Articles with positive mindset

Fowling - football Bowling

Friends, Fun, and Fowling

A couple of weekends ago I was able to attend the Econome conference in Cincinnati, and readers, it was the refresh I needed. I wouldn’t have attended this conference had it not been for Military Dollar suggesting I should attend and she was super supportive throughout the process because let me tell you. I got the ticket, booked flights, and a room, and the next thing you know life happened and I freaked out and cancelled all of those plans. After a month of debating, I decided that I was just being cheap, not frugal and I needed to attend, so I repurchased everything, lol.

Bearcat bronze statue at night

 

Finally, Friends IRL

I have to say that I’m so glad that I did because, my God, do I love the people in this personal finance space and community. From the time I landed until after the conference was over, I was reminded why I felt such a great connection with everyone I met. Everyone has such great stories about where they are on their personal journey, along with the openness and vulnerability to share that information, and also are usually more than welcome to answer questions about any of it. When I attended my first PF event, it was Fincon ’17 and I got to finally meet so many people I’d interacted with online, but this time in real life! I wrote a post titled, “I found my tribe”, because I left like I found a place that I belonged, and was welcomed. Friends, that didn’t change with future events, like Fincon ’18, and Camp FI’s that I’ve attended, and it held true with Econome.

I got to meet even more, new, online friends in person, I got to make even more, new friends, and again, it was the refresh that I needed in so many ways. I’ve been absent from the blog for a while now. Not unexpected, because who wants to read about divorce, finding yourself, post divorce life, post divorce life without a career, and figuring out life in general, in a new state? Hell, I don’t want to write about it, so I can’t imagine anyone wants to read about it. Instead of just continuing to publish those types of stories, I just shelved it and moved on. Had my, probably bluehost blog renewal happened a few weeks earlier than it came up, I would’ve probably scrapped the blog and moved on with life, being a “PF Lurker” on Twitter and calling it good. However, after talking with everyone I met over that weekend, it really did a couple of things for me that make me feel happy to remain a part of this group of people.

Why Econome Made Me Feel Happy

The first, was that it validated the feeling that, “This is okay.” Being where I am in life now is okay, and so what if I never get back to oil and gas? I loved being a petroleum geologist and I had a blast doing it, but if I don’t get back to that lifestyle, I’m okay with that, and that’s okay. I feel like the support group in Wreck It Ralph, talking about being bad guys, “I’m bad and that’s good…” While I don’t feel like a bad guy, it’s hard for me accepting that, and realizing that, and you know what? That’s okay. If I never practice as a petroleum geologist again, that will suck because I loved it, but life moves on. I have lots of other shit to explore in the meantime.

The second, was that I feel like a failure on a lot of levels. Lots of levels. While I can reassure myself, that this waves arms around head isn’t a “fail”, and I’m defined more than that relationship, and blah dee balh, blah…. Let me tell you friends, it feels like a big fail from where I sit. My second reason was because I had lots of people build me up, affirm that if that is failure, they’d like to fail like that, and more. That was good for me, because while I’ve heard that similar thing from different therapists, they’re kinda paid to be supportive and it’s like your mom telling you “You’re the best!” Are you really? So, it was nice hearing the same types of affirmation from friends, and strangers. It may seem petty, but the acceptance and validation, keeps me sticking around for more.

Finally, the other reason I’m happy that I went to Econome, was the fact that beyond feeling re-energized about life, feeling affirmation on lots of levels, and connecting with people. I also, got about 5 or 6 ideas with notes and prompts about new blog post topics that I connected with, felt passionate about and want to write about. For me, that was huge! I haven’t read very many (maybe a handful) PF articles or blogs this year, and it reminded me that sure it’s cyclical, and the same topics come up and die, and new people start and they come up and die, but usually there’s a little spin added. Even if there isn’t, it’s good keeping that stuff more in the forefront of my brain than just piddling away in the back of my brain shooing me away, saying, “no, no, we’ve got this, we’re good.” So that’s nice for me as well. A good reminder that, I don’t have all this known and down pat, and like anything, use it or lose it. It’s not the main things I need refreshers on, it’s the nuanced, fine details stuff like drawdon plans and well, I don’t have a glideslope, because I was sort of chucked off a cliff into this, so goodbye glide slope, hello, plunging freefall! lol

It’s not that crazy, but it feels like it sometimes. I heard at least 5 different topics I’d like to expand on, with the blog and provide my own take on. Because, life happens, it ebbs, it flows, sometimes you’re in the positive side and sometimes you’re on the negative side, and while I can’t say I’ve decided which side I’m on, it’s feeling pretty damn positive from where I’m sitting. It doesn’t always feel like this. Random Wednesdays when I’m home most of the day solo, working on the computer, just snuggling with Bolt and needing to hit the grocery, do laundry, put away laundry, prep school, get homework ready to get copies printed, etc… It can feel like a letdown.

Shift Your Mindset: Always to Positive

I just have to remember to shift my mindset. Don’t get stuck in the negative of whatever I’m feeling that day, but rather look at the positive. Positive mindset can affect a lot of change, and framing it as I have the freedom that I can take Wednesday off to focus on school, and snuggle with Bolt, and have Price is Right on in the background, as filler noise, entertainment and a time keeper to know when I should get ready to pause and hit the grocery or go walk or jog or do something else. That’s freedom. Being able to show up to work or not and having the financial flexibilty to also support that is amazing.

Those 3 things alone would have made it worth it for me, but then one of the better aspect of this conference over other conference style events, is that Sunday was essentially down time, and created for socialization. The structure was setup, so that you didn’t have to choose between hanging out and continuing to socialize with friends, or miss a talk, like how other conferences are usually structured. That was awesome! I got inroduced to the wonderful world of Fowling, where you throw footballs (overhand, not like rolling them) at bowling pins. It sounds easy, but man, was it harder than it looked. It was definitely fun though and provided more opportunities to meet and talk with other conference goers, and I got to meet 4 new people during that event. Then head to another bar after that, and I met even more new people! What a great conference. If you have the opportunity, I recommend it. Although the next one isn’t until Spring 2023, so, plan ahead. Far ahead, lol.

Fowling - football Bowling

Summary

I needed an event like Econome to go and reconnect with old friends, and find new friends, and get excited about this Lifestyle Change again. It wasn’t how I planned at all, but damnit, it’s mine and I’m kind of settling into it. Thanks, friends! Thnks old friends, thanks new friends, and thanks everyone that’s been there supporting me on the way whether I knew it or not. I appreciate it and am glad to have been active here and met you, whether in person or online. It’s been great and thanks!

Do you find yourself needing events like this to reenergize you about your hobby, passion, lifestyle interest? How does it work for you? Have you been to a PF conference sort of event? What did you think about it? I’d love to hear about it below!

Embracing Life

This time last year, I was talking about trying to get on board with the MFLC and figure life out from there. I had some things I was working on and damn if I haven’t gotten any to fruition. It seems frustrating and it can be, but if you remember my post from last week, about life being overwhelming, I’m working on how to get this overwhleming feeling tamed. I feel like I’m way further along with some of the projects and not so far along with others. More importantly, I’m leaning into this whole underemployed aspect of my current lifestyle. I’m trying to not stress day to day about working or not working. Even though every day unemployed is another day on my ever growing resume gap. Sure, I’m adjunct teaching, and maybe that will help, but I haven’t worked in oil and gas since Nov 2018. Yikes, now that’s a resume gap. I’ve been poring over LinkedIn and other venues for positions, and there seem to be a few more geologists positions opening up, still mostly in Houston. The hiring for the construction aspect of oil and gas, and mudloggers, and service industry folks is really picking up though, so I’m optimistic that geology hiring will start in full swing soon. Of course, Conoco just had a big layoff a couple of weeks ago, so that’s still happening as well. Here’s what’s been going on with me.

Read More…

Do You Take Payment in Soul Currency?

Last week at some point, Angela from Tread LIghtly Retire Early tweeted about giving time versus money and it reminded me of what I did with my time when I wasn’t working.

Recently in the Discord group, we were talking about how just being “retired” or not having a purpose in life wasn’t very fulfilling either. Getting to a point that you can “not work” doesn’t mean the absence of work was the goal. So, what do you do to feel fulfilled? Years ago, I wrote a post about a japanese concept called “ikigai”, pronounced “icky guy”, that translates to “reason for being” or having meaning in your life. I go into it more in that post, but essentially, without some meaning or purpose to wake up for everyday, your life will be shorter and people without an ikigai reported being more unhappy than their peers with a purpose.

This brings me back to “soul currency”. I found that when I was unemployed and being a SAHD, I got lots of rewarding feelings from volunteering at the kids elementary school as a sub, Watch D.O.G., PTA, general volunteer to set up and run events, volunteer at Scouts assisting running a den, and setting up and running events, and even as a CASA, court appointed special advocate for kids in the foster system. For me, that gave me a lot to wake up and look forward to each day. IF there wasn’t anything going on with either of those things, I had my hobbies and clearing the property to look forward too. Honestly, just because I wasn’t working a 9-5 I found it was easier to get as committed or over committed without a job. Here’s why I liked doing all of that for free.

Read More…

Time To Move On, Again…

Last year was one for the record books in so many ways. And literally, one for the record books in so many ways that none of us want to remember. For me, it was the first time since I was 15 that I was unemployed. Like for real unemployed, not quitting my job in hopes of a better life with the family, type of unemployed. I had lots of ideas for what to do to move forward with income, I put together 5 different business plans, and had a lot of things that sounded good end up not looking so great when you look at the numbers. Yikes! I’ve seen more than a handful of people start an fail at the same restaurant I worked at in KY for almost 5 years. I knew how quickly you could burn thru cash with nothing to show for it. On top of that, the oil industry was already in a downturn. Massive layoffs, companies filing for bankruptcy, a petroleum geologist job was not to be found anywhere and it only got worse as the year went on. Not wanting to burn through all my savings and THEN end up feeling stuck and without money, I decided to get a job. A job at the DEpt of Human Services and friends, let me tell you. It was an experience…

Read More…

False Peaks Suck!

For anyone that’s ever done any mountaineering, or just plain old hiking in the mountains you’ve experienced false peaks. For those not aware of the term, it’s essentially when you see “the top”, push to “the top”, only to get to “the top”, and then you see the actual peak even higher than where you currently are. It can be defeating, if you’re the kind of person to let mountains push you around, lol. I kid, I kid. But recently I’ve found out I’ve been dealing with nothing but false peaks, and I’m just about ready to pack up and hit the beach. Seriously…

Most of my false peaks seem to be around work, and income. I had been applying to jobs back in January, February, and I mostly stopped around March. In all, I applied to 42 jobs, and heard exactly nothing back from any of them, lol. Why did I stop? Lots of reasons, but these are the main ones.

First, there were no new jobs appearing, just the same handful of positions I’d already applied to.

Second, this whole buzz about some virus coming out of Wuhan seemed to rattle people.

Third, I had been talking with My CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) supervisor in January and she hooked me up with her daughter for a potential position with her son-in-law’s excavation company. Anyway, that hasn’t panned out yet, lol, but no worries, I’m optimistic.

Fourth, she mentioned that CASA would need a new supervisor position sometime around the 1st quarter and I’d be her preference for that position, so I was mostly just waiting for that, but applying other places, in the meantime.

Fifth, and final reason was that she (same CASA supervisor) also mentioned that she would love to help fund, start, work at, the child advocacy center I had approached her about starting.

Those are a myriad of reasons and seem to be scattered, but each one was a false peak and here’s why.

Read More…

Personal Finance Support Group

Hi Everybody! During this whole quarantine, global pandemic situation, I’ve lost a lot of support networks. My DBSA, Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, group imploded and left a big vacuum where I once had a great support group. As I was looking around for other support networks and ways to get in touch with people, I was hitting walls. Sure, there are online virtual meetings, but they seem to be with “strangers”, but literal strangers not “Twitter strangers”, lol.

When my DBSA group imploded, a handful of us within that group took it upon ourselves to start a Discord server (i.e. chat room), explained in more detail by the previous Business Insider link. We have been using it since then and it has been great for us to stay in touch, reach out to others, video chat, and more during these times of “no physical contact” or socialization. Last week, I saw someone mention feeling lost and struggling and wanting/needing a place to reach out, and I thought, maybe we, the Personal Finance, PF community could also use a space like that.

Something “off Twitter”, away from judgement, away from politics, and away from the GD trolls that tend to roam there just to tear people down. It seems someone can’t post something as simple as “I’m having a great day today” without being accused of something. It’s ridiculous, but not necessarily a good place to be open and vulnerable about what’s really got you down.

Enter: Discord PF Support Group!

Today I created a Discord server for anyone in the PF Twitter-sphere, or anywhere else that is looking for a place to get some support. It doesn’t have to pertain to mental health. It can be as simple as wanting to celebrate a small win, or just a place to literally shout into the void, where you won’t get torn down, judged, or made to feel worse about whatever it is.

Here is the link to that server: https://discord.gg/MJurm7B

My goal is to make a safe shared space for anyone that wants it. Trolls, bully’s, and in general, assholes will not be tolerated. Neither will offensive language (I may be the worst culprit…), or offensive content. I want people to feel welcome and safe and able to share whatever. Maybe you’re not the most open person and you don’t feel comfortable sharing topics on your blog like I have. My dad’s suicide, is a big one. My previously untreated depression is another, yikes… The fact, I, we, let it go for so long, ultimately led to destroying my marriage, yep, I talk about that on the blog too.

In general, I’m as open and try to be vulnerable and willing to share with others on literally any topic. If I can’t share it, how do I expect people to also want to share, open up, or talk about any of their fears, concerns, and what’s on their mind at the moment?

Easy Access

It’s free to join, you just need to make a “profile” on Discord, and/or download that app. You can stay anonymous and make your username your PF Twitter handle, your name, or whatever you want to be called. Do you connect more with the name, Lothar, Destroyer of Debt, you can make that your name, lol. You can change it as often as you want, have an avatar, or not. It’s literally all up to what you’re willing to put out there.

I’ll add a channel on that server (chat-room) with links to more virtual support outlets, similar to what I did in this post. That way, if you want more support for addiction, or gambling, or whatever ails, you, I’ll hope to have something linked there for you.

That’s it. That’s the big announcement, but I wanted to put this post out here for anyone interested or looking for a space around “fellow like-minded people” to be heard, get some support, and more.

If you’re interested, here’s the link again: https://discord.gg/MJurm7B Hop on over and join. I put a small bio/introduction about myself on there, but don’t feel pressured to do that for yourself.

Thanks and Welcome!

Come one, come all, assholes excluded! If this isn’t your bag, please share for others that may feel like they could get something from this space.

2020: In the Bag!

Whew, it felt like we just started this year and it’s finally, holy shit! It’s still, April!?!? Whoa… I don’t know if the rest of you feel that time has lost all sense of relevance and has been distorted recently. I know I have. It reminds me of the scene in the Jerk where Steve Martin’s character is talking about time distortion…

Navin Johnson: (Speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps) I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day, you went to see your mother and that just seemed like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down but can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

Yep, it’s been like that around here. Kind of crazy if you think about it, how time gets distorted.

For me, it’s been a slap in the face of what “traditional retirement” would look like. I didn’t realize how much time I spent at the kids school, and the CASA office until they shut down. And holy hell, did I turn into the old guy just puttering around the house, talking to his little dog about the government, politics, and the weather… Yikes! Seriously, I turned “retired” really quickly! The first week or so was super productive. Then I went into #sluglife mode for a week and a half. Mostly, I was dealing with mild depression and apathy for life, and went with it. That burnt me out on tv, lol. Then I decided I needed to be more productive. Between the divorce, trying to start a new business, and all the projects I had from before, I have a lot to do.

Read More…

Escaping Limbo: Why My Remote Work Sucks

When I made the decision to leave my job, I felt like I wouldn’t be a good PF blogger if I didn’t monetize my departure somehow. Just plain old quitting is for suckers! Financial Samurai espouses, “Negotiate your severance” and for $85 I’ll tell you how! I had multiple people tell me similar things, “you should ask for a remote work assignment, so and so just got one!” “You should ask for severance, you never know if you don’t ask…” Company policy is that I have too few years to be entitled to anything. No severance, no partial bonus next cycle for this year, no LTI payouts (long term incentive – the stocks), nothing. I’d already looked it up. If I went to negotiate a severance, what leverage did I have?

To be honest, I didn’t give a shit. I was already leaving over $150k of stock incentives on the table, we already have “enough” money, and personally, I didn’t want to be immediately tied to a computer when I left. However, to be a “good” PF blogger, I split Sam’s book with a colleague that was also wanting a change and we wanted to see if it could help. I started reading it and I couldn’t get past Chapter 4. I just didn’t give a shit. My family was moving, I wasn’t going to “not move” just to stick around trying to monetize my departure by making my company decide between firing me or continuing to pay an unproductive employee… That seemed shadier than just ghosting work, plus, that’s just not my style. I kept asking myself, what’s the point of acting poorly towards them just to get more money, when we already have enough money?

And then it happened… My boss came to me asking about working remotely for a month to “ease the transition.” I said, “Sure. Maybe for a month, but 2 at max.” When it was all said and done, I signed a contract for 3 months of remote work. A month in, it feels like the longest, most drawn out, tediously earned severance package ever. Here’s why I wish I hadn’t agreed to this dumb shit assignment…

Read More…

The “Year of the Career” Rolls On!

From a career standpoint, this year has been pretty amazing for me and Mrs. SSC. I am being trained for a leadership role at my company, I earned 1.5x my bonus target of 25% and I received a little larger sized Restricted Stock Unit (RSU) reward as well. I feel like I rocked it last year! Mrs. SSC also has had a great year making the cut to a finalist for a tenure track geophysicist position at a well respected university. Last week she found out that they want to offer her the position! Woohoo!!! Details are being worked out such as startup funds and all of that sort of thing, but this train just left the station heading out of Texas. All aboard!

But wait… Didn’t I just say that I was being groomed for a leadership role at work? With all of those bonuses and stock being thrown at me what the heck am I going to do? My career is just taking off into that golden realm of “peak earnings” where I get to cash in on building up 10 years of experience and can strategize instead of problem solve. Am I just going to walk away from all of that? Well, here’s how that’s all going to go down.

Read More…

I’m Getting Pulled up the Corporate Ladder…

Yesterday, I found out that I am being recommended for the next Geoscience leadership position that becomes available. My reaction was pretty mixed, sort of like a dog that chases cars, and then finally catches one. “Hooray! Wait… Now what do I do with this?” Not that I’ve been chasing a management spot because I’ve told my managers I wanted to stay technical rather than go into a leadership position. I put the caveat that if it was a small team lead type of position, sure, but having 8+ direct reports sounds pretty horrid. I’m fine with staying on the technical side, but I have always thought that being a team lead could be fun. Like Mrs. SSC and I discussed, “Well, now that I’m in the twilight of my career, if I become team lead and it sucks ass, I only have a couple of years to deal with it, lol.”

Read More…