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I Dread Dealing With Money

Being thrust into control of my finances again has brought up a lot of “money emotions” for me. My relationship with money is an odd one because I mostly feel dread when thinking about money. Yes, dread.

Dread: 1. a) to anticipate with great apprehension or fear

b) to fear greatly

2. to feel extreme reluctance to meet or face

Yep, that pretty much nails how I feel about money.

Even just thinking about checking my bank account balance fills me with dread. I actively avoid it… I even put it on a list It’s so weird to admit, but I dislike money. My happiest was when I was at a point in my life that I didn’t have to worry about money, or even think about it at all. Mrs. SSC was more than happy to take the role over and I was more than happy to throw my finances at her and run away laughing. Which is basically what happened.

Of course I was happy to hand this over… But now, it’s just me. Eep!!

Now that control of those finances got handed back to me, it’s all nice and neat and pretty and mostly organized. I’m curious how long it stays that way. Again, I’m amazed with how some of you check your bank accounts once a day, MORE than once a day (why? Just… why?), and you track ALL of your money. Yes, I’m admitting I’m amazed how easy it seems to come for… well, basically anyone/everyone I follow in the Personal Finance Community. You guys are on it! I’m just an imposter, riding the coattails of a person that IS good with money.

That’s how I feel anyway. I have no personal finance confidence and the dread is real.

Where Did the Dread Come From?

I think “when” may be a better question than “where”, but like everything that shapes our lives, for me it was back in childhood. I had money stress before I could even work and earn money. “But how can you stress about money that early” some of you are asking and others are probably nodding in agreement. Well, I didn’t grow up in the most financially stable of environments. The phrase, “money burning a hole in your pocket” was never more applicable than with my dad. He’d get paid every other Thursday and he’d cash his check and it was like a mini-holiday, at least for that night. We’d go out to eat, and then go to the mall followed by the bookstore. Instead of focusing on priorities, for those Thursday nights at least, there was money being spent on “frivolities”.

Why did I say frivolities? Well, because typically, the Wednesday before payday, we’d be low on groceries, gas, usually very low on actual money available, and there were at least 1-2 late bills waiting to be paid. When I started noticing this, was when things would happen like the lights would be out or the electricity or water would be turned off. The ever present mechanical breakdown of the car(s) and having to sweet talk the mechanic into a payment plan because we had to have the car running. Seeing my parents stress about this and then get upset, fight, or whatever the reaction was, spilled over to me. Even then I could feel it and it was ALWAYS about money. Usually the lack thereof, or the fact it got spent on “frivolities” and not “necessities”. That was the biggest sticking point and fight topic around our house.

While I couldn’t do much about things back then, at least until I started working, I still got stressed about money. And it was the worst kind of stress because it was worrying about things out of my control. I had fuck all to do with turning a light switch and it working or not but I’ll never forget that horrid feeling of flipping a switch and nothing happens. I’m going to say my “dread” associated with money started back then.

I Money Good, Relatively Speaking… (pun definitely intended)

Coming from that sort of background, it’s not hard to be better than what you’re used to seeing. Always seeing no money around turned me into “a saver”. Meaning I didn’t immediately spend money as soon as it showed up, but I would save it. I still remember my siblings being amazed/jealous that when they wouldn’t have money, I’d always have some money. Even in Atlanta when I was living with my brother back in ’96, he’d be like, “Alright man, you ready to go out tonight?” I’d say, “Yep, let me get some cash.” And I’d duck into my room, grab some cash and walk out and he’s giving me a look like, “where the hell is he stashing that, and how does he keep coming up with money?” When I came back from that summer, I had $2500 saved, just enough to cover a whole year of college, lol.

Comparatively, I always saved and had “better money sense” than what I grew up with. That’s not throwing my parents under the bus, but we can all agree some people are better with money than others. As a whole, you can put ALL my family into the “not good with money” category, I was just a little better than the rest. Back then, I never liked being in debt, and would save up to buy something outright if I needed it.

Mo’ Money, Less Problems!

Finally, around 1992 or so, I could start working and what a game changer! I had so much stress relief just from being able to buy my own groceries. I started paying the bills BEFORE they got cut off. What a concept! I had some control and I still had money left over. How in the hell did my $4.25/hr job cover the bills when my parents struggled with a $40-$50k income?! Lack of discipline with spending, I guess. IDK… This was when I went from dread to anger.

I was angry about having to pay for ALL my own bills, AND help with my family’s bills. My parents had split up around 1993, but why the hell is it my responsibility to cover my mom’s financial shortcomings!? I pitched in and “helped out the family” because that was expected of me. However, my older brother never bought a tank of gas for his car, or a quart of oil, or paid for his car insurance, or paid for any repairs, or had a job, or was expected to work, or expected to buy his own clothes, or was expected to help out the family in any way whatsoever. It wasn’t fair that I got the brunt of having to deal with the stress of bills, which ones were due when, where they got paid, and all of that, but if noone else was going to do it, I could at least make my role in it suck a little less by taking control.

It’s no wonder I relate to Shameless so much, lol. BUT, that situation also gave me a pretty independent spirit. When my whole family moved out of the house when I was 17, it was actually the biggest relief in the world. First dad moved out, and then Mom, leaving the 3 of us kids basically living on our own. My brother and I eventually had a “come to Jesus talk” with mom. We told her that we can’t be effective parents to our younger sister and that she needs to, um, well, be a mom. I had been floating ALL the bills and was the only “earner” in the house, so we also asked for money. So, instead of money, she took my sis with her and shortly after my brother left to attend culinary school. In a space of 2-3 months I went from household provider to single person with only me to worry about. WHAT A RELIEF. What 17 year old wouldn’t want to be living alone? My mom’s take, “You’ll be fine. You’re strong and independent and can handle this.” Um, yeah, but SHOULD I have to handle that? For better or worse, I finally had control of everything. Yikes! No wonder I dread dealing with money so much… I mean with all that positivity surrounding it in my formative years, I don’t understand why I would dread all things money. Maybe that’s why I default to Warren Zevon a lot, “Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money! They’ll get me out of this!”

How to Overcome the Dread

I honestly don’t know how to overcome the dread because I’m 42 and it’s still lingering. Ok, that’s not true. Give me a 6 figure salary and have someone managing my money for me and there’s zero money dread. That’s not likely to happen anytime soon and I need to figure out a better relationship with money anyway. How can i expect my kids to have a good relationship with it if they see me treat it with kid gloves and act like it’s bigger than me. Yikes!

Another one of my bigger worries about chasing FIRE was a return to dealing with this “money dread”. There were many conversations had with Mrs. SSC about how we could work thru this, or how big of a problem it may be, and if it was enough of a trigger to not quit working. I hate that dreaded feeling enough that I’d honestly rather work another 5 years or more to NOT EVER have to feel it again. Maybe I will, I don’t know.

I know what I’m going to do to try and take back my negative feelings associated with money though.

First!

I’m going to look at my bank account EVERY day! Every… Stupid… Day… I’ll log into my bank and at least glance at it. No, I’ll stare at it. Then, I’ll smile at it. Yes, as dumb as that sounds, me smiling or laughing at my bank account will help. Maybe even just bullying it a bit and taunting it like, “So, you think you’re getting out of here, huh? Get spent, see the world? Well, Not Today buddy! Not! To! Day!” while I also shake my finger at it, or something like that… Who knows? I know, I’m weird. But I like keeping it “personal”, in personal finance.

Second!

Now that all the “buying of crap” for a house is mostly over, and all my other money stuff is in Mint, I can go thru and set bill reminders for myself, where I don’t have autopay setup already. I’ve already paid a couple of bills “past due” so, yes, that has happened. Instead of beating myself up about it, I can now make that dread suck just a little less by setting calendar reminders and “forgetting about it” until they need to be paid. Plus, I can see what my monthly “recurring stable budget items” are and plan for them.

Third!

I just have to remind myself it’s only money. Yes, I typed that and sent it into the PF blogosphere.

“It’s Only Money”

Yikes! What’s the point of saving money if you don’t use it to ease your life? Well, for me, there isn’t a point. That is LITERALLY the point of saving money in my opinion. Not to hoard it and collect the most, but to have it so when life goes all pear shaped, you have one less thing to worry about during those times. So, I’ll allow myself to spend that money, but just not WASTE that money. It was a lot of work saving it, so I need to treat it with respect and not piss it away. In my opinion, stressing about money whilst looking at a big pile of it just seems beyond idiotic.

Fourth!

There is no fourth item, I just wanted to type more exclamation points!!! Lol!!!!!

Summary

I don’t know how to fix my dread associated with money, but I know how I’m going to try to fix it. That’s all I can hope for, right? Find a problem, pick a solution, and try it. When that fails, try another solution until one actually solves the problem. Like I wrote previously, if I can make this problem suck just a little bit less, it is worth it. Even if it takes most of a year to get that ironed out, well, that’s progress. I went from not dealing with any bills, or any financial accounts (allowance excluded) for the last 11 years and well, now I get to relearn those skills. I sure don’t want to fall back on my usual habits that were in place back then.

When all else fails, “Send lawyers, guns, and money! They’ll get me out of this!” – Warren Zevon

If you aren’t familiar with the tune, shame on you… But here it is.

By Mr SSC
Posted on February 12, 2020February 11, 2020
11 Comments on I Dread Dealing With Money

Starting Over, Again…

If you read my last post, you’ll know that things are changing pretty significantly around here. One of the biggest changes is also the one I’m worried about the most. That is the fact that I’m handling my own finances again… Yes, yes, for the last 11 yrs or so, I’ve deferred to Mrs. SSC as the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) of our household. Okay, she actually took control and I more than happily threw it to her, once she saw what a mess my finances were in.

Back then, I had about $16k in credit card debt, $64k in student loans, and no assets minus a Ford explorer with over 100k miles on it and some random guns. I was crushing it at life! I was more than happy to let someone else deal with finances. Back then I didn’t care about finances. Clearly… Here’s what has changed since then and why going forward I’m hoping to do a LOT better.

We Bought A Money Pit!

One year ago we bought a money pit, I mean a house in Oklahoma. We were so excited because we were starting our Fully Funded Lifestyle Change, I was quitting my job, and we were moving to the country! Well, we got the country alright. I sit outside and watch the birds at the bird feeder and in the trees around the backyard. I watch a pair of does come wandering thru the yard in the morning and evenings. They’re around so much the dogs have stopped barking and the doe wanders to the fence to check the dogs out. It’s hilarious! They’ve both figured out that even though their base instincts say “enemy!” they both know the fence keeps them safe. I caught a pygmy rattlesnake, and scared up a 5’ ratsnake that lives in a woodpile on the back corner of the property that I haven’t cleared yet. We have a hawk that likes to fly thru our yard in the afternoons and I saw it actually grab a mouse/vole idk, off the ground one day! It was awesome!

But none of that has cost us any money except for birdfood. It’s the “aaahhhhh” benefit of living out here. So what were we expecting with this house? It’s 16 years old, it had a 2 and 4 yr old AC and furnace respectively, 3 yr old roof that seemed to be in good enough shape. The home inspection report (what a scam industry) was pretty clean and didn’t note anything of significance. We had a home warranty for a year to cover anything major. How did we still manage to spend over $50,000 in the past year? With all of the following fixes and updates.

Chainsaw Replacement: Should I Upgrade?

Man, with school out, there has been so much going on around here. The kids are home full time, so that hinders me doing a lot out in the yard, but we’ve been having a lot of fun hanging out, playing, and hitting up the pool, museums, and zoo so far! However, I have still been able to do yard work, just not as much. Today, I have someone outside cutting down trees for me! First time since we’ve moved I paid someone to cut down some of the 100+ trees I’ve cut down so far. Granted, most are under 6” diameter, but there have been a fair amount of 6”+ trees for sure. When I found out the guy that hauls stuff off charges the same whether they cut the trees or I do, I scheduled him and went and bought flagging tape to mark trees. That leads to today’s topic. When equipment breaks should you replace it with same quality, better quality or lesser quality equipment? I’m talking about my chainsaw, but it applies to anything. My BIL used to tell me he was raised to be “frugal” and even though he knows if he buys the “cheap” version, he’ll have to buy 2-3 of them when they break each time, he still buys the cheap version instead of a pricier quality version. I was struggling with this yesterday when my 25 yr+ old chainsaw died. RIP chainsaw.

Goodbye old friend. Thanks for the work!

Is Bigger Better?

I currently have a 16” chainsaw meaning it can cut 16” deep into a tree. My first question was, do I need 18” or 20” chainsaw? They could be nice having the extra bar/chain to slice thru trees, but is it overkill? I’m 80% of the way done cutting down trees, and haven’t had a problem with the chainsaw I have now. The bonus of the 18” and 20” is a bigger engine and better cutting power. So while mine may have been fine the newer bigger saw wouldn’t get bogged down when dealing with the few big trees I’ve felled and still need to cut down.

Hopefully, they come down better than this one…

With Bigger comes more weight. Do I really want to lug around 12-14 lbs of chainsaw all day? I know my arms get tired after 6-8 hrs of cutting trees, limbs, and hauling and stacking stuff, so how would it be with and extra 2-4 lbs added to it? Maybe just replace with same size is the better option.

I Could Buy Cheaper

I also was bummed when it died (the fuel tank cracked at the corner and isn’t replaceable) because I knew it would be $200-$400 to replace. UNLESS!! I went with a “lesser” brand like Blue Max or Remington or Ryobi, then I could replace it with a bigger bar, engine, and similar weight for $150! So what if I end up buying another one in a year or 2, I should be done with cutting trees by then and would just need it for maintenance, storm cleanup, etc… The big key is how cranky do those things get after a while? I hate finicky yard equipment and it sucks starting the day with a tired arm because it took 60+ pulls to get something started. Ugh, no thanks, I’d pay double for something to start quickly and run well.

The big kicker is that those “lesser” brands have 4 star reviews with over 700 reviews! That swayed me a bit to getting one of those and going the cheap route. Again, I didn’t trust that they wouldn’t be finicky by mid-summer or fall when I get back into the yard more. The biggest complaints were them breaking due to using lesser quality materials, but man, the people that love them, really love them! It’s a lot to think about especially for me who could stand in an aisle for 20 minutes not moving staring at chainsaws debating chainsaw length of life, finicky-ness, reliability, replacement cost, usage, replacement costs for chain, bar, etc… (all more the bigger it is) and more just to make sure I get the best thing for me.

What About Replace with Same

I could also just replace it with the same thing I had been using. It worked well, the engine is big enough, and everything else has been big enough, so why debate it, just get another one. They’re $260 and I already have a replacement blade, sharpener, etc… with files for a 16” and this blade. I wouldn’t have to mess with that. I’m familiar with it, and except for some finicky-ness starting, #asexpected, it worked fine. Actually, it was a bitch to work with. I’m debating why I’d want to replace it with the same thing and not a different brand? Mainly because I think a 20+ yr old Honda doesn’t compare to a 2019 Honda, and am expecting if I got a 2019 chainsaw, it would perform like that, for better or worse. I think replace with same is my best bet financially and for peace of mind.

Should I Upgrade?

What if I upgraded to a better brand, like Stihl where you know you’re getting a reliable workhorse. Those start at $350 and then go up from there… Yipes! I don’t know if that’s overkill for my situation or not. I love my Stihl brushcutter, starts by the 2^nd pull each time, and I’ve used it a LOT. Is it worth it for $400? Normally, I’d say hell yeah!! Go big or go home!! Wait, I don’t say that. Anymore… I would like something that reliable and strong, but do I need a Lexus, if a Jetta would do the trick? JMoney, you don’t get to answer. Yeah a Lexus is nice, but is it overkill for my situation? Probably not, but after getting hit with $13k of door and window replacements, $2500 for more brush hauloff and a $5k IRS bill from some stocks not loading into TurboTax correctly 2 years ago… Seriously, it loaded every other stock sold on that same day from that same account, but not that one?! WTF, Turbotax, WTF?! Rant over…

It’s nice to think about and I’d probably not have to buy another one, ever, but I just can’t get myself to pay for that chainsaw right now.

Applicability to Life?

I find myself in this same situation with all sorts of things. I ask myself should I upgrade, stay the same, or cheap out and just get something to work right now? It’s a tough question because it depends on what is getting replaced. Like with our windows, the guy said, ~10% of your home worth is what you should use as a rule of thumb for replacing windows in your house. Spend more and you’re overbuying, spend way less and you know it’ll be cheap and may not be what you want, but in that range of 10% is close to where you want to be.

If only everything had a good rule of thumb for buying. I look at what I’m replacing and go from there. If it’s my phone for instance, I cap it at $300. That limits my decision, and if it’s over $300, I’ll pay out of pocket from my allowance, so I ask myself, is it worth $100, $200, $400? An extra $100 sure if it’s a significant upgrade, but $400, no way… Haven’t found that phone yet.

You have to do the same and ask what is good for you. Is it worth it to upgrade, what about just replacing with the same? Do you need to upgrade? Did you overbuy last time? I try not to overbuy but can get stuck in the trap sometimes.

I find that asking these questions helps when debating replacing something that has died.

Summary

I ended up just replacing with the same for $281 out the door. Although the chain snapped 3 branches in and sliced my leather glove, seriously, it was razor sharp, I’m so bummed… I’m so far happy with it. It made sense for me as I already have an extra chain or 2 that I just swapped out and kept going, I have a file for the blade, and a sharpener, so I don’t have to get anything new for it. That reminds me. I need to finish up the 3 trees I was working on last night.

What about you? Do you have difficulty with these debates when replacing things that break on your end? Am I just overanalyzing things when I buy stuff?

By Mr SSC
Posted on June 26, 2019
9 Comments on Chainsaw Replacement: Should I Upgrade?

It’s Not Always About the Destination; Except When It Is

The destination to FIRE can seem like it’s all about getting to that endpoint, but that’s not really what it’s about right? Isn’t it more about the journey and the freedom you’re giving yourself by getting to that stage of your life? There are loads of posts about “enjoy the journey” and “we shouldn’t be focused on the end goal, we should be present”. Hell, I think my 2017 goals were to be more relaxed and present and quit worrying about the end goal. I think the best description of trying to get to FIRE, is from Maggie at Northern Expenditure when she describes it as a “sprint followed by a rest on a moving sidewalk”. I second that feeling!

So then what am I talking about with the destination being important? Well, imagine you’ve been working towards your version of FIRE and a few weeks before you hit your number you find out that, nope, that number has been moved, the dates have changed, sorry, Wally World’s Closed… That’s how I felt this past weekend when I found out my 1^st Olympic triathlon that was scheduled for March 5^th was bumped back to Oct. 8^th. Yeah, friggin’ October! So how does this relate to personal finance, early retirement, financial independence and your own planning? Bascially, there’s only so much you can control, so how do you plan for it? I don’t know, and I’m no financial planner, but let’s discuss the similarities that I found between the sheet being pulled out from underneath me with the race and how that could happen close to reaching FI.

I STILL Have a Spending Problem

I recently got an email from Chase notifying me that my year end rollup is ready for review. They are nice enough to do this for you if you have a Chase card, yeah, they split out your yearly spending into categories like groceries, auto, shopping, medical, and the ever present miscellaneous. They even show you how those categories break out from month to month! Awesome! I switched from Chase to an Amazon card (still held by Chase so I still get this awesome benefit) mid-year last year so I only had 6 months of spending tracked, but lo and behold, they also still had my 2015 yearly roundup available to review as well. This is only my allowance card, so it was pretty eye opening seeing where I spent my money. Spoiler alert, I’m not rolling out all the charts and graphs, play sad trombone sound – bwah, bwah, bwah, bwaaaahhhh…. Okay, I’ll add some charts because they are pretty useful in analyzing spending. They did highlight to me, the fact that I still have a spending problem.

By Mr SSC
Posted on January 25, 2017
41 Comments on I STILL Have a Spending Problem

When Should You Treat Yo’ Self? Guest Post by Mrs. Picky Pincher

Today I have a guest post from Mrs. Picky Pincher who runs a blog about frugality without sacrificing the good life. Something I’m a huge fan of. 🙂 If you haven’t checked it out yet head on over there for some great articles, frugal tips, and recipes. Yes, recipes! Her post today is about “when should you Treat Yo’ Self”. Spawned by Parks and Rec the “Treat Yo’ Self” Day came about when Tom and Donna celebrate one day a year to “Treat Their Selves” and essentially splurge on all the stuff they don’t buy the rest of the year. While picking one day a year to splurge on yourself may be the best idea ever, Mrs. Picky Pincher has some great ideas on how to be able to “Treat Yo’ Self” and not just limit yourself to only one day a year. Take it away Mrs. Picky Pincher!

Do good fences REALLY make good neighbors? And who should pay?

We live in a master planned community of ~3000 homes and as such, we have a fairly thorough set of HOA covenants. They’re not idiotically written, but they can be a pain at times when you want to do something simple like put in a playset in your backyard. Recently, they sent out their monthly newsletter notifying everyone that they would be “focusing on fences”, as there have been some homes that are staining their fences (not approved – sealing is fine, staining is a no-no) replacing their cedar fences with non-approved woods other than cedar (gasp-the horror!) and have rundown fences that need repair or replacing. We didn’t think anything about it as most of our fence is in good shape. Although Mrs. SSC and I disagree on this, because our views of “good shape” are highly divergent. However, one of our neighbors want to replace their fence and split the cost to replace the side we share with them. Now we’re arguing discussing which one of us is right. Oh brother…

I’m not Cheap, I just don’t “overbuy”

This past President’s Day I had the day off. Yep, I’m at one of the odd oil companies that still honors this day, which meant Mrs. SSC was at work, and the kids were at daycare, so I had a real free day to myself. I decided I would take the opportunity to go fishing, since I hadn’t been on the water yet this year. The weekend before, I checked my fishing tackle, read up on some new rigging techniques and made a list of things I needed from our local outdoor store. I got some different hooks, weights, and other items so I could try a new fishing technique. It’s actually old as dirt, but since I’m new to freshwater – non-fly fishing style fishing, it’s been “learn as you go”, and I have no one to teach me anything. That equals a lot of fishing, and just a little catching.

When I got to the lake, I talked with a guy, Cowboy, and he was telling me about a website that had all of these crazy expensive reels on sale for less than $50. Line, rods, reels, lures, anything you would ever need. He mentioned that he found it over the holidays when his house had been robbed and they got $1000 worth of tackle from his place. My first thought was, Holy crap, including my kayak, I don’t have $1000 worth of tackle! When he described his reels that he had stolen he talked about how he’d paid $400 for one, $200 for another, $300 for one that was on sale… Then I realized, I must be pretty cheap when it comes to buying gear. My whole rod/reel setup was less than $60, although I did get it on a great 40% off sale. It’s worked great and I’ve caught some really big fish on it. My other rod and reel, was one my mom used back in the day, and with a little reel lube and occasional line replacement, it is still catching fish at over 30 years old… My kayak, I got on sale for $150 off, along with all the accoutrements. Then I realized what the difference was in my shopping habits and Cowboy’s shopping habits.

I shop for value on my money spent balanced with the return I’ll get out of it. Hmm, that sounds like a lot of jibber jabber, so let me explain what I mean. I’m just an average Joe fisherman that probably couldn’t tell the difference in quality between a $400 reel and my current reel. Okay, I could, but I wouldn’t see it being worth the extra $340. I understand that the $400 reel will no doubt be “better” than my reel that I use. If Cowboy values that extra quality, then that’s awesome it’s his hobby, he should be able to enjoy it with whatever tackle he finds makes it more enjoyable for him. I would find a lot more enjoyable things to do than spend an extra $340 on a reel, so for me, it doesn’t pay out a positive return. I also understand that in general more expensive means better quality, but it doesn’t mean you have to overbuy. For less than $60 I’ve had a rod and reel that has worked great for over 3 years now. I didn’t overbuy but I didn’t buy cheap either.

I’ve found buying “cheap” leads to more spending than buying quality because cheaper things break quicker and need to be replaced more often. However, there are plenty of middle of the road companies that make great products for fair prices. I tend to stay in this path, unless I find a great sale. Even then, just because something is on sale, doesn’t mean you need it.

I’ve come to find that’s the key with spending and not just related to hobbies. It’s not about “how much did it cost”, even though it seems like it for some people. I’m not one of those people. I’d rather get a fair price for good quality than spend more to have a name brand. When we were kids, my Grandad would give us $100 for Christmas. The stipulation was that you had to use it on shoes first, then you can do whatever you want with the money. My brother would invariably get the new Nike Jordan’s and still need an extra $10-$20 bucks from mom or dad. I’d hit Shoe Carnival and get 2 pairs of shoes, and have $60 left over to spend on whatever I wanted. I didn’t overbuy, my shoes lasted the year, and I got to get more toys or what not with the leftover.

Have you ever found yourself overbuying on things? Is overbuying worth it for you? It was for my brother, and he got his return on enjoyment from the money spent by having Air Jordans, even though they wouldn’t always make it a full year…

Small Decisions, Big Outcomes; How I met Mrs. SSC

Have you ever read any of those choose your own adventure books? I’m probably dating myself, but when I was a kid there were books that let you make a choice at some point in the story. For instance, your character comes to a door in a castle and then you’re offered a choice. If you choose to go through the door, turn to page 109. If you choose to keep going down the hallway, turn to page 95. This would go on until you get to a resolution, typically I died a lot… However, I would usually go back and read all the different choices to see what various outcomes I had missed out on. Too bad you can’t do that in life, but it’s moving ever forward and ever onward. A favorite blog of mine Our Next Life wrote about this referring to it as “Sliding Doors”, while other folks may think of it as a butterfly effect.

Like those choose your own adventure books, have you ever looked back and identified key points in your life where a decision you made seemed to greatly affect your life’s trajectory from that point forward? I have a couple pretty significant ones, but I was reminded of one recently that put me where I am today in SO many ways. This one began on a Monday night, but not just any Monday night; a Monday Night Football (MNF) night.

I love watching football, especially at the beginning of the season, when you’ve been starved of football action for months, so I was excited there was a double header that night for MNF. I was in grad school and still working full-time as well, so I was pretty beat, because I’d been at work from 6am until 2, then school from 2-6 pm. As I was heading out of the building a friend asked if I was sticking around for a talk by a recruiter from one of the major oil companies. I told him, “Nope, I’m going to watch some MNF, have some beers, and relax.” He asked if I could help get it set up at least, since I was also a fellow officer in our American Association of Petroleum Geologists (AAPG) student chapter. Reluctantly I agreed, and set everything up and then ultimately decided to stick around for the talk. Little did I know how much that seemingly small decision would affect my life.

Afterwards, I noticed some people talking with him and another company rep about setting up interviews for the next day. I had looked at their online interview schedule previously, and it had been full, so I considered it “taken care of”. However, I went to stand in line to ask if I could get an interview spot, when I heard 3 different people in front of me mention the online scheduling system wasn’t working right for them and didn’t allow them to block out an empty spot. The recruiter said she would open some more interview spots to accommodate that, no big deal, so when I got to her, I also mentioned I couldn’t get a spot booked either. Of course, I didn’t mention it was because they were full, but I got an interview slot just the same.

The rest of the night was spent watching MNF in the background and totally reworking my resume. It was a nightmare because I hadn’t updated it in what seemed like years… Years! Plus I needed to get it in a good state to highlight how I could be an asset for this company even though I had zero Oil and Gas experience. I highlighted all my work experience with managing projects, drilling crews, reports, new bid proposals, and more to get it into decent shape for my “early” interview at 10am. The interview went well, and a few months later I got an internship offer for that summer which I accepted. Woohoo!!

We wandered around here a lot on the weekends.

My internship was in New Orleans, and they put us up in a hotel near the office since the company figured this was easier than having a bunch of interns in sketchy housing they found themselves. There were only 3 Geologists in the whole group of ~30 interns, and we were the oldest of the group by far. When we heard another geologist would be joining us in a few weeks, it was exciting to have the prospect of someone else older than 25 that we could hang out with. I remember the first time I saw this geologist, she walked into the lobby to meet us all for lunch, and I remember thinking, “Why can’t I be with someone like that?” Little did I know this was the future Mrs. SSC.

We hit it off that summer, and spent most of our free time together; at work, outside of work, duruing lunch at work, and we realized we wanted to be together. Then the internship was over and I returned to Denver and she returned to Chicago to finish up school. Booo, long-distance. We talked daily, and traveled as much as our schedules would allow, and I proposed to her that following Spring when she came to visit. She said yes, and we started our lives together that Fall. It was a pretty short engagement, and yes, we ultimately married within about 15 months of meeting each other – long distance no less, but I wouldn’t change anything for the world.

Us a few years later in Tahoe, with our oldest.

Just that small decision to not go watch MNF changed the whole trajectory of my life. Had I gone home, I wouldn’t have gotten that interview slot, nor would I have gotten that internship with that company and never met Mrs. SSC. All stemming from a decision of “Fine… I’ll stick around and listen to the talk.” I would’ve accepted a different intern offer, and I’m sure my life would be pretty different. Mrs. SSC helped me realize how to not spend all the money you have. She’s showed me how to be more financially responsible and the power of investing. She’s done a lot for me on the financial side of life that helped get us where we are today, but even more she’s showed me a lot about how to be a better person for her, for myself, and now for our kids as well. She’s been a great friend, supporter and confidant, and added so much positivity into my life, and it all started because I decided not to be lazy and go watch MNF. Amazing…

Looking back I had no idea of the power of that decision, even though now it reads like a choose your own adventure book type of decision point. I chose something atypical for me, and my life literally changed paths from what typical Mr. SSC would do. I can imagine had I not made that choice, I’d still have credit card debt, school loan debt, car loans, probably a boat loan, home loan, and wondering why I am still struggling with money even though my salary had more than doubled. I’d complain about how it’s tough to make ends meet, and be oblivious to the fact it starts with me and my spending habits, and has less to do with how much you make than how you allocate it in your life.

I learned that if you keep doing things the same way you’ve always done them, they will stay the same they’ve always been. I made another decision that night and that was to do something I typically don’t do. It’s like the Seinfeld episode where George decides his inner voice has been wrong his whole life, so he does the exact opposite of his inner voice. He becomes wildly successful, gets a hot girl, everything changes for the best starting from that decision. I made a similar choice, and that was if I wanted things to change, I needed to start making different decisions than I would normally do, and for me it all started on that night.

Have you had any seemingly small decision affect your life in a big way? I’d love to hear your stories!