Change is Hard, but NOT Impossible
With 2020 being what it is, and especially recently, with the murder of George Floyd by police officers, I felt I needed to write something from my perspective. This has little to nothing to do with personal finance, but if you’ve read any of my blog, you realize, neither does the rest of my blog. Maybe time for a rebrand? Regardless…
I was raised in Western Kentucky, Bowling Green, specifically and I was raised in a racist household. It was the kind of place where one says, “We’re not racist! Look at all of our black friends! Look at all that we do for black people, POC and those less fortunate.” To be fair, that is not an untrue statement. Growing up, we supported churches that ran mission trips to Mexico every summer, and we were close family friends with a pastor that traveled around preaching. We would typically host them and one of the Mexican preachers that had come up to preach for the summer, or a revival, or whatever. It wasn’t a big deal for our friends to stay the night, or wait at our house for rides to school, to help their parents out. We hosted a Cambodian refugee in the 80’s and it was one of the best experiences I’ve had.
Yes, We Were Racist
Through all of this support, help, and friendship; racism was still present in our house. I grew up being told I wasn’t racist either, yet I know scores of Ethiopian jokes (think famine 80’s), “Black jokes” and more. It was just a part of our background and raising. Did we hear the N word used a lot? Nope. Not a lot, but enough. Through it all, all the derogatory statements, all the “there’s a difference between N-words and black people”, all the jokes, it was just a part of the culture. Hell, I was approached to join the local klan group, yes, kkk, that klan group when I was in highschool (fuck those guys). I graduated highschool in 1995 for fucks sake. Why was that still a thing then? More to the point, why is it still a thing now? There was still obvious, public hate against African-Americans, Mexicans, Cambodians now that our town had a decent population, Afghani’s (we had an influx during/after the Russian Afghan war), Serbians, Croations, Bosnians, yeah, our town was on the “refugee list” for many refugee crises. We had a diverse population, and racism was alive and well to push down any non-white, and even white people that looked or sounded different than your typical Kentuckian. To be fair, put a typical Kentuckian in any part of the US and guess who will sound different? The Kentuckian…
It wasn’t until highschool, that I realized I had no actual reason for feeling the way I did about African Americans, or hell, anyone non-white for that matter. What sparked that revelation? A cross burning in our friends yard one night. Yep, a GD cross burning in the early 90’s. These people worked as a farmer and nurse, and were kind and generous to everyone. But, they had a cross burned in their yard, and kkk being chock full of morons, it fell over and burned up 1/3 of their crop. Seeing my friend’s emotional reaction to it the next day got me thinking. They’d lost 1/3 of their income, and sure, they could use insurance, but that’s going to raise rates and why? Because they were a target of a hate crime. Ridiculous…
It made me question my thoughts and beliefs and realize that I didn’t have to keep feeling like that, or thinking like that. I had no literal reason to feel that way towards any non-whites. So, I made the decision to change.
I made the decision to change my thinking and get that shit out of my head.
That’s great, yay! Racism is over! Except, that’s not how that works at all…
Change is HARD
It was difficult, the hardest thing I’ve done yet, to be honest. Through all that work, and retraining my thoughts to not automatically say something derogatory, or use words as weapons when fighting, or any of that was kind of the easiest part. Just stop saying it. That’s a great first step. Stopping thinking it is more difficult.
It’s like you’re raised with a family pet, that you think is all nice and fine. Not the most cuddly pet, but you don’t see anything wrong with it, because everyone else thinks it’s fine. Then one day, you realize, your family pet is a venomous animal and you’re stuck with it for your entire life. You can’t kill it, no matter how much you try. So, you do what you can and make a nice little cage for it and lock it away. It’s there. Everpresent. Always with you, but just not actively beside you.
That’s how I feel it is trying to “not be racist” and change my thinking from racist thoughts to just not having them. You can’t ever get rid of that mentality. This isn’t Sunshine of the Eternal Mind and you can just wipe your brain of all that and start clean. Nope, it’s still there.
The biggest difference is that I don’t feed it, I don’t engage with it, and still to this day, I keep trying to kill it only to realize, it ain’t dead yet…
That sucks.
Am I racist? No, I don’t feel that way anymore, but approaching it by saying “I’m not racist anymore, problem solved! Whew, thank goodness! Who’s ready for a cold one?!” Yeah, it doesn’t work like that either.
Mission Accomplished! Wait… No… No it isn’t.
The problem is still there. Like my neighbor Chad in LA. First person I’ve ever had tell me that he calls Blacks and POC Democrats. Why? “Because then they won’t know you’re talking about ‘em!” Riiiiiight… Riiight. Fucking Chad… We talked a lot about that when we would hang out, not constantly and not ever getting to a point of hostility, but enough. We realized, like me, it was how he was raised, and he was fine with that. He had lots of examples to back up his standpoint, and I’d counter with mine, and we’d agree to disagree by the end. Always some interesting talks when it was brought up, to be honest, but fucking Chad… And he wasn’t alone. There were lots of people that feel that way.
My mom for instance. JFC, my mom… One of the last times I was hanging out with her in Houston, before I cut off all contact, she was throwing the N word into conversation like she was saying hello. I said, “Whoa, whoa whoa… You can’t say that! Why do you think it’s okay to say that? You teach in a charter school in NOLA for fucks sake! How can you use that word and also talk about “your kids” that you teach being so dear to you and so special to you? And then use that word?” Yeah, imagine being raised with that flippant attitude towards racism and similar attitude towards “not being racist.” No wonder I was confused. But, that’s the kind of house I was raised in. Which makes it very difficult to untangle all of that, and separate out what’s real, what’s fake, what means something to you and what doesn’t.
It’s similar to being raised in a very religious household, and one day you start questioning said religion. Let’s take Baptists, because that’s what I was raised as. Eeeesh… My experience, was that organized religion, and especially Baptists, and especially Southern Baptists, are the biggest bunch of judgmental, hypocritical sons of bitches I’ve ever had the misfortune to deal with. Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson are perfect examples of the shit religion I was raised around. When they make asinine statements like 9/11 wasn’t because of terrorists, but because our once holy nation has become Sodom and Gomorrha with allowing homosexuality, abortions, secular schools and more, and that’s god’s punishment. Yeah, keep your fucking god, because that’s not one I want to align with, worship, or any of that. Sounds fucking awful and like a horrible god… No thanks…
At some point, you choose to think for yourself, or stay in the mire. With religion and racism, I chose the former and decided I could be better. I might not be perfect, but I can be better than I was raised. Neither were easy to change, but both were empowering, freeing, and helped shape me to be who I am today. All of it.
Silence is Deadly
It’s not enough to be “not racist”. Who cares that you’re “not racist” if you’re just silently standing by and letting racism happen, and say, “But, I’M not racist, and that’s what matters.” No it isn’t…
The Only Thing Necessary for the Tirumph of Evil is for Good Men to do Nothing – Edmund Burke
You need to be a champion, and support those that are still dealing with this issue. Because here we are in 2020, and the only thing that looks different from the 60’s riots (based on historical data, I’m not THAT old, lol) is the police are WAY more militarized, they use WAY less water cannons and German Shepherds, and are WAY more deadly to people of color, and those marginalized in society. What’s changed? Nothing. Not a GD thing in my opinion…
Am I a good champion? Nope, definitely not as much as I could be. Couldn’t we all do more?
Yes! Always! With everything! We can always do more!! So, I do what I can, when I can, and try to not be a silent observer on the sidelines.
This isn’t me calling out anyone for doing too little or a call to arms for everyone to do more.
You do you, and I’ll do me. Only you know what you feel like, how you feel, and whether you’ve got enough in your mental, financial, and physical tank to do more. Do what you can. Doing something, regardless of how small it may seem, is definitely better than doing nothing. And for those doing what they can! Yay, for you! Thanks for being supportive, thanks for taking a stand, and thanks for doing what you’re doing.
Change is hard. Hard but not impossible.
I’m still dealing with my journey and it’s still something that takes effort every day to keep that stupid godawful family pet in its cage, unfed, and away from my active life. Without actively working against it, it’s easy to become complicit.
Now is not the time for being complicit. It’s definitely not the time to stay silent on the sidelines. Do what you can, where you can, and how you can. But don’t do, nothing…
