Now that I’m back to just having a single source of income, my adjunct position, I immediately have a crazy sense of pressure to “get back earning”, and “get a job” or “create a job” or “hit it big with day trading”, as soon as I study up a little more on the Dummies Guide to Day Trading. Then I won’t have to work or find a job, lol. Since day trading isn’t my go to, I’m more of a horse racing gambler if we’re admitting ways that we gamble with our money, I’ll have to keep up the job search and income stream creation. Man, does it feel overwhelming. I’ve had trouble sleeping at nights, trouble staying asleep, and just a hard time turning the old brain down from 11 to a reasonable 3 or 4. My weight has even started coming back from a lot more stress eating. I’m aware of it, I just don’t care at this stage, lol.
My brain is constantly thinking about next steps, potential income opportunities, creating those opportunities, and also job hunting in the meantime. Oh, and then there’s the aspect of adding in family and people I care about and having not just time, but mental free time to hang out with them. It’s not the same if I’m laying next to someone and talking and sharing thoughts and feelings when my brain is anywhere but right there. That’s when I know I have to stop and handle it before it turns into a “tsunami of worry”. Here’s how I’ve been dealing with reigning those feelings in.
Last week at some point, Angela from Tread LIghtly Retire Early tweeted about giving time versus money and it reminded me of what I did with my time when I wasn’t working.
I found my time that I give is rewarded so much more in “soul currency” than money.
If I didn’t have to work, I’d be back volunteering at school, scouts, PTA , CASA, and other orgs that need volunteers.
That was my jam. I found it. I’d love to continue it. Soon… pic.twitter.com/jm7WoSxHed
Recently in the Discord group, we were talking about how just being “retired” or not having a purpose in life wasn’t very fulfilling either. Getting to a point that you can “not work” doesn’t mean the absence of work was the goal. So, what do you do to feel fulfilled? Years ago, I wrote a post about a japanese concept called “ikigai”, pronounced “icky guy”, that translates to “reason for being” or having meaning in your life. I go into it more in that post, but essentially, without some meaning or purpose to wake up for everyday, your life will be shorter and people without an ikigai reported being more unhappy than their peers with a purpose.
This brings me back to “soul currency”. I found that when I was unemployed and being a SAHD, I got lots of rewarding feelings from volunteering at the kids elementary school as a sub, Watch D.O.G., PTA, general volunteer to set up and run events, volunteer at Scouts assisting running a den, and setting up and running events, and even as a CASA, court appointed special advocate for kids in the foster system. For me, that gave me a lot to wake up and look forward to each day. IF there wasn’t anything going on with either of those things, I had my hobbies and clearing the property to look forward too. Honestly, just because I wasn’t working a 9-5 I found it was easier to get as committed or over committed without a job. Here’s why I liked doing all of that for free.
Hi Everybody! During this whole quarantine, global pandemic situation, I’ve lost a lot of support networks. My DBSA, Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, group imploded and left a big vacuum where I once had a great support group. As I was looking around for other support networks and ways to get in touch with people, I was hitting walls. Sure, there are online virtual meetings, but they seem to be with “strangers”, but literal strangers not “Twitter strangers”, lol.
When my DBSA group imploded, a handful of us within that group took it upon ourselves to start a Discord server (i.e. chat room), explained in more detail by the previous Business Insider link. We have been using it since then and it has been great for us to stay in touch, reach out to others, video chat, and more during these times of “no physical contact” or socialization. Last week, I saw someone mention feeling lost and struggling and wanting/needing a place to reach out, and I thought, maybe we, the Personal Finance, PF community could also use a space like that.
Something “off Twitter”, away from judgement, away from politics, and away from the GD trolls that tend to roam there just to tear people down. It seems someone can’t post something as simple as “I’m having a great day today” without being accused of something. It’s ridiculous, but not necessarily a good place to be open and vulnerable about what’s really got you down.
Enter: Discord PF Support Group!
Today I created a Discord server for anyone in the PF Twitter-sphere, or anywhere else that is looking for a place to get some support. It doesn’t have to pertain to mental health. It can be as simple as wanting to celebrate a small win, or just a place to literally shout into the void, where you won’t get torn down, judged, or made to feel worse about whatever it is.
My goal is to make a safe shared space for anyone that wants it. Trolls, bully’s, and in general, assholes will not be tolerated. Neither will offensive language (I may be the worst culprit…), or offensive content. I want people to feel welcome and safe and able to share whatever. Maybe you’re not the most open person and you don’t feel comfortable sharing topics on your blog like I have. My dad’s suicide, is a big one. My previously untreated depression is another, yikes… The fact, I, we, let it go for so long, ultimately led to destroying my marriage, yep, I talk about that on the blog too.
In general, I’m as open and try to be vulnerable and willing to share with others on literally any topic. If I can’t share it, how do I expect people to also want to share, open up, or talk about any of their fears, concerns, and what’s on their mind at the moment?
Easy Access
It’s free to join, you just need to make a “profile” on Discord, and/or download that app. You can stay anonymous and make your username your PF Twitter handle, your name, or whatever you want to be called. Do you connect more with the name, Lothar, Destroyer of Debt, you can make that your name, lol. You can change it as often as you want, have an avatar, or not. It’s literally all up to what you’re willing to put out there.
I’ll add a channel on that server (chat-room) with links to more virtual support outlets, similar to what I did in this post. That way, if you want more support for addiction, or gambling, or whatever ails, you, I’ll hope to have something linked there for you.
That’s it. That’s the big announcement, but I wanted to put this post out here for anyone interested or looking for a space around “fellow like-minded people” to be heard, get some support, and more.
If you’re interested, here’s the link again: https://discord.gg/MJurm7B Hop on over and join. I put a small bio/introduction about myself on there, but don’t feel pressured to do that for yourself.
Thanks and Welcome!
Come one, come all, assholes excluded! If this isn’t your bag, please share for others that may feel like they could get something from this space.
I’ve been going thru some stuff lately, I’m not sure if you all can connect with it or not. I’ve been stuck in my house, my routine has been disrupted as fuck, and I feel like a retired person! Holy hell… It’s like there’s a global pandemic going on or something… As someone who had all the greatest support networks set up, they ALL went to shit when everything hit the fan. For one reason or not, my strong, big spiderweb of support had collapsed. I felt alone.
you just feel alone
Yeah, This pandemic is doing a number on everyone. One thing I keep hearing, even from people that never talked about feelings before this, talk about how they feel anxious, or depressed, or they don’t know, but they know it’s “not their usual”. I can empathize. My life got straight flipped upside down with this whole pandemic, quarantine, dealio. Here’s how my schedule and everything got wrecked. It started with the pandemic… lol Most understated sentence of the year… First, the schools closed and unbeknownst to me at the time, my main social outlet was gone. GONE. Then, no visits, enact social distancing measures, blah-dee-blah, and now I can only see my CASA kids thru facetime. And then the CASA office closed. Scouts shut down as soon as the city placed a shelter in place order.
Literally, my whole social support network was gone in the span of a week. It reminded me of my “ikigai post” where I talk about people that have a purpose, no matter how trivial it may seem, people with a purpose report higher levels of happiness, and, AND live longer. Yikes! My ikigai was gone in a week. I miss my PTA ladies and I miss my kids elementary school. It was literally a second home for me, looking back on it. And now, nada. Well, at least there is still support through groups like DBSA (Depression, Bipolar, Support Alliance), my group therapy group for talking all that stuff other people don’t want to hear. A place to be real, honest, be heard, and not be judged. It has been an amazing outlet for me for most of the time I’ve been here.
Check on your friends. Do you have a person that you haven’t heard from in a while, or one that you think could use a text, fucking send it! Just, “Hi, thinking of you!” Or “Hi, just saying Hi!” Sure, sound stoned, they won’t care. I know I wouldn’t. I’ve gotten ghosted recently, by someone I’d have called a friend, and dude, silence suuuuuucks. Silence is the worst. Please don’t let your friends hang out in the void and deal with (gestures arms around in the air) all this shit alone.
Here’s why that sucks so badly. My support networks disappeared and my dbsa group was headed down the toilet. Thru my separation, I dropped out of group for over 2 months and didn’t hear anything from either of our facilitators. Just silence. Silence sucks…
I avoided group because our facilitators had made it more about them and less about “support” unfortunately. I just didn’t want to “be the entertainment” or deal with any over reactions as our facilitator is prone to do. Anyway, January, I posted on our private FB group what had happened and that I didn’t want to discuss it beyond that, unless I brought it up in group. My one outlet for being open and not judged now feels shut out because I feel judged there. That sucks.
Over the next few months (Feb-April), each time I went to group I left feeling more upset than when I went. I started skipping, I went to make friends in the music and songwriters scene, also on Thursday nights, so easy enough to switch, and holy hell, I started feeling a little better. Eventually I made it back to group and yep, still not good. Then Covid hit, and our group couldn’t meet either.
I figured the national chapter would have a plan and keep meetings, because “support group” and why leave people hanging out to dry now? Well, that’s what happened with our group. Any emails/texts/FB posts about meetings online, Zoom, Skype, Discord, literally anything, were met with a flat “nope, haven’t heard anything” from both of our facilitators. After talking with one of my group friends, she setup a discord server for us, and 5 of us hopped on and were amazed! Like, how was this so hard?! Connecting and catching up and letting every one know that we’re here for each other was awesome, even if it’s only 5 of us. I set up a skype meeting for us, not official, since I’m not a facilitator, and it went great, but we still wanted an actual meeting, not just an informal share. Go Figure…
Long story long, it never happened and our facilitator isn’t stable enough to cope with the roles of being a facilitator at this time. And we’re all left hanging in the wind. Just silence, except the wind blowing past us. Silence sucks.
Why such a long story for a short ending? My point is, I’m “Mr On Top Of It” when it comes to mental health, and in the space of a few weeks, ALL my outlets and support systems disappeared. No PTA ladies to talk to during the day, no CASA office peeps to hang with, volunteer and socialize with, no DBSA mental health outlet, after our insurance approved telehealth sessions with therapists, our divorce came thru and health insurance dropped retroactive to the 1st. April Fools! Lol But seriously, my new plan is catastrophic coverage, because beyond shrinks and therapists, I don’t really need doctors, yes, I know I just jinxed the rest of 2020 for me… However, Literally all my outlets were gone.
Then, because I got sick with who the hell knows what, over Spring Break, I went 5 weeks without a hug from anyone. The kids, friends, anybody. Total Sucktown…
What did I do? Well, I wallowed in the #sluglife for a solid week and a half and then realized, this isn’t sustainable.
I started back up with life and am doing things again and working on all sorts of stuff.
That’s me, I’m weird, what can I say. IDK, but I know what I can say. Don’t assume your friends that “have their shit together” have their support network. Mine were ALL gone in a matter of weeks. ALL. Gone. I started a separate FB group for those of us who want to connect since our facilitator seems to want “total authority” over how we meet outside group and has actively shut down efforts to connect during this pandemic. It’s so weird…
Check on your friends. Do you have a person that you haven’t heard from in a while, or one that you think could use a text, fucking send it! Just, Hi, thinking of you! Or Hi, just saying Hi! They won’t care. I know I wouldn’t. Recently, I’ve gotten ghosted by someone I’d have called a friend, and dude, silence suuuuuucks. Silence is the worst. Please don’t let your friends hang out in the void and deal with (gestures arms around in the air) all this shit alone.
If you feel that you’re in this alone, know that you aren’t! DM me and I’ll send you my cell # or email or whatever and we can talk, facetime, text, email, whatever it takes. Please, reach out I’m serious.
If you don’t want to reach out to me, there are national virtual dbsa meetings, they keep your name optional, diagnosis(es) optional, literally it’s designed to be a place to be heard, and not judged. Those meetings saved my life, here’s their virtual info.
They have many meeting times available, and seem to keep them fairly well updated.
If you’re dealing with a different kind of support that isn’t happening now, look at virtual AA meetings. This link has a lot of options available with multiple links to virtual meetings on this page. I know my dad probably wouldn’t have made it thru this sober, if he started off quarantining sober, without meetings. Please look into it.
Don’t forget those who may not be doing as well as you. Even for those of us that seem “on top of it” all of your support network can be gone very quickly. So, please reach out! Check on them! Fuck, just send a text, it can literally be that small of a gesture. Let them know that SOMEONE is thinking about them. If you don’t get a response, don’t worry, it’s seen and appreciated.
Let me know if you’ve had any mental health debacles during this whole pandemic… What did you do to deal with them? Any tips or places you’ve experienced that you’d like to share? Please do!
