Fowling - football Bowling

Friends, Fun, and Fowling

A couple of weekends ago I was able to attend the Econome conference in Cincinnati, and readers, it was the refresh I needed. I wouldn’t have attended this conference had it not been for Military Dollar suggesting I should attend and she was super supportive throughout the process because let me tell you. I got the ticket, booked flights, and a room, and the next thing you know life happened and I freaked out and cancelled all of those plans. After a month of debating, I decided that I was just being cheap, not frugal and I needed to attend, so I repurchased everything, lol.

Bearcat bronze statue at night

 

Finally, Friends IRL

I have to say that I’m so glad that I did because, my God, do I love the people in this personal finance space and community. From the time I landed until after the conference was over, I was reminded why I felt such a great connection with everyone I met. Everyone has such great stories about where they are on their personal journey, along with the openness and vulnerability to share that information, and also are usually more than welcome to answer questions about any of it. When I attended my first PF event, it was Fincon ’17 and I got to finally meet so many people I’d interacted with online, but this time in real life! I wrote a post titled, “I found my tribe”, because I left like I found a place that I belonged, and was welcomed. Friends, that didn’t change with future events, like Fincon ’18, and Camp FI’s that I’ve attended, and it held true with Econome.

I got to meet even more, new, online friends in person, I got to make even more, new friends, and again, it was the refresh that I needed in so many ways. I’ve been absent from the blog for a while now. Not unexpected, because who wants to read about divorce, finding yourself, post divorce life, post divorce life without a career, and figuring out life in general, in a new state? Hell, I don’t want to write about it, so I can’t imagine anyone wants to read about it. Instead of just continuing to publish those types of stories, I just shelved it and moved on. Had my, probably bluehost blog renewal happened a few weeks earlier than it came up, I would’ve probably scrapped the blog and moved on with life, being a “PF Lurker” on Twitter and calling it good. However, after talking with everyone I met over that weekend, it really did a couple of things for me that make me feel happy to remain a part of this group of people.

Why Econome Made Me Feel Happy

The first, was that it validated the feeling that, “This is okay.” Being where I am in life now is okay, and so what if I never get back to oil and gas? I loved being a petroleum geologist and I had a blast doing it, but if I don’t get back to that lifestyle, I’m okay with that, and that’s okay. I feel like the support group in Wreck It Ralph, talking about being bad guys, “I’m bad and that’s good…” While I don’t feel like a bad guy, it’s hard for me accepting that, and realizing that, and you know what? That’s okay. If I never practice as a petroleum geologist again, that will suck because I loved it, but life moves on. I have lots of other shit to explore in the meantime.

The second, was that I feel like a failure on a lot of levels. Lots of levels. While I can reassure myself, that this waves arms around head isn’t a “fail”, and I’m defined more than that relationship, and blah dee balh, blah…. Let me tell you friends, it feels like a big fail from where I sit. My second reason was because I had lots of people build me up, affirm that if that is failure, they’d like to fail like that, and more. That was good for me, because while I’ve heard that similar thing from different therapists, they’re kinda paid to be supportive and it’s like your mom telling you “You’re the best!” Are you really? So, it was nice hearing the same types of affirmation from friends, and strangers. It may seem petty, but the acceptance and validation, keeps me sticking around for more.

Finally, the other reason I’m happy that I went to Econome, was the fact that beyond feeling re-energized about life, feeling affirmation on lots of levels, and connecting with people. I also, got about 5 or 6 ideas with notes and prompts about new blog post topics that I connected with, felt passionate about and want to write about. For me, that was huge! I haven’t read very many (maybe a handful) PF articles or blogs this year, and it reminded me that sure it’s cyclical, and the same topics come up and die, and new people start and they come up and die, but usually there’s a little spin added. Even if there isn’t, it’s good keeping that stuff more in the forefront of my brain than just piddling away in the back of my brain shooing me away, saying, “no, no, we’ve got this, we’re good.” So that’s nice for me as well. A good reminder that, I don’t have all this known and down pat, and like anything, use it or lose it. It’s not the main things I need refreshers on, it’s the nuanced, fine details stuff like drawdon plans and well, I don’t have a glideslope, because I was sort of chucked off a cliff into this, so goodbye glide slope, hello, plunging freefall! lol

It’s not that crazy, but it feels like it sometimes. I heard at least 5 different topics I’d like to expand on, with the blog and provide my own take on. Because, life happens, it ebbs, it flows, sometimes you’re in the positive side and sometimes you’re on the negative side, and while I can’t say I’ve decided which side I’m on, it’s feeling pretty damn positive from where I’m sitting. It doesn’t always feel like this. Random Wednesdays when I’m home most of the day solo, working on the computer, just snuggling with Bolt and needing to hit the grocery, do laundry, put away laundry, prep school, get homework ready to get copies printed, etc… It can feel like a letdown.

Shift Your Mindset: Always to Positive

I just have to remember to shift my mindset. Don’t get stuck in the negative of whatever I’m feeling that day, but rather look at the positive. Positive mindset can affect a lot of change, and framing it as I have the freedom that I can take Wednesday off to focus on school, and snuggle with Bolt, and have Price is Right on in the background, as filler noise, entertainment and a time keeper to know when I should get ready to pause and hit the grocery or go walk or jog or do something else. That’s freedom. Being able to show up to work or not and having the financial flexibilty to also support that is amazing.

Those 3 things alone would have made it worth it for me, but then one of the better aspect of this conference over other conference style events, is that Sunday was essentially down time, and created for socialization. The structure was setup, so that you didn’t have to choose between hanging out and continuing to socialize with friends, or miss a talk, like how other conferences are usually structured. That was awesome! I got inroduced to the wonderful world of Fowling, where you throw footballs (overhand, not like rolling them) at bowling pins. It sounds easy, but man, was it harder than it looked. It was definitely fun though and provided more opportunities to meet and talk with other conference goers, and I got to meet 4 new people during that event. Then head to another bar after that, and I met even more new people! What a great conference. If you have the opportunity, I recommend it. Although the next one isn’t until Spring 2023, so, plan ahead. Far ahead, lol.

Fowling - football Bowling

Summary

I needed an event like Econome to go and reconnect with old friends, and find new friends, and get excited about this Lifestyle Change again. It wasn’t how I planned at all, but damnit, it’s mine and I’m kind of settling into it. Thanks, friends! Thnks old friends, thanks new friends, and thanks everyone that’s been there supporting me on the way whether I knew it or not. I appreciate it and am glad to have been active here and met you, whether in person or online. It’s been great and thanks!

Do you find yourself needing events like this to reenergize you about your hobby, passion, lifestyle interest? How does it work for you? Have you been to a PF conference sort of event? What did you think about it? I’d love to hear about it below!

Embracing Life

This time last year, I was talking about trying to get on board with the MFLC and figure life out from there. I had some things I was working on and damn if I haven’t gotten any to fruition. It seems frustrating and it can be, but if you remember my post from last week, about life being overwhelming, I’m working on how to get this overwhleming feeling tamed. I feel like I’m way further along with some of the projects and not so far along with others. More importantly, I’m leaning into this whole underemployed aspect of my current lifestyle. I’m trying to not stress day to day about working or not working. Even though every day unemployed is another day on my ever growing resume gap. Sure, I’m adjunct teaching, and maybe that will help, but I haven’t worked in oil and gas since Nov 2018. Yikes, now that’s a resume gap. I’ve been poring over LinkedIn and other venues for positions, and there seem to be a few more geologists positions opening up, still mostly in Houston. The hiring for the construction aspect of oil and gas, and mudloggers, and service industry folks is really picking up though, so I’m optimistic that geology hiring will start in full swing soon. Of course, Conoco just had a big layoff a couple of weeks ago, so that’s still happening as well. Here’s what’s been going on with me.

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Life Can Be SO “Overwhelming”: How I Tame It

Now that I’m back to just having a single source of income, my adjunct position, I immediately have a crazy sense of pressure to “get back earning”, and “get a job” or “create a job” or “hit it big with day trading”, as soon as I study up a little more on the Dummies Guide to Day Trading. Then I won’t have to work or find a job, lol. Since day trading isn’t my go to, I’m more of a horse racing gambler if we’re admitting ways that we gamble with our money, I’ll have to keep up the job search and income stream creation. Man, does it feel overwhelming. I’ve had trouble sleeping at nights, trouble staying asleep, and just a hard time turning the old brain down from 11 to a reasonable 3 or 4. My weight has even started coming back from a lot more stress eating. I’m aware of it, I just don’t care at this stage, lol.

My brain is constantly thinking about next steps, potential income opportunities, creating those opportunities, and also job hunting in the meantime. Oh, and then there’s the aspect of adding in family and people I care about and having not just time, but mental free time to hang out with them. It’s not the same if I’m laying next to someone and talking and sharing thoughts and feelings when my brain is anywhere but right there. That’s when I know I have to stop and handle it before it turns into a “tsunami of worry”. Here’s how I’ve been dealing with reigning those feelings in.

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Do You Take Payment in Soul Currency?

Last week at some point, Angela from Tread LIghtly Retire Early tweeted about giving time versus money and it reminded me of what I did with my time when I wasn’t working.

Recently in the Discord group, we were talking about how just being “retired” or not having a purpose in life wasn’t very fulfilling either. Getting to a point that you can “not work” doesn’t mean the absence of work was the goal. So, what do you do to feel fulfilled? Years ago, I wrote a post about a japanese concept called “ikigai”, pronounced “icky guy”, that translates to “reason for being” or having meaning in your life. I go into it more in that post, but essentially, without some meaning or purpose to wake up for everyday, your life will be shorter and people without an ikigai reported being more unhappy than their peers with a purpose.

This brings me back to “soul currency”. I found that when I was unemployed and being a SAHD, I got lots of rewarding feelings from volunteering at the kids elementary school as a sub, Watch D.O.G., PTA, general volunteer to set up and run events, volunteer at Scouts assisting running a den, and setting up and running events, and even as a CASA, court appointed special advocate for kids in the foster system. For me, that gave me a lot to wake up and look forward to each day. IF there wasn’t anything going on with either of those things, I had my hobbies and clearing the property to look forward too. Honestly, just because I wasn’t working a 9-5 I found it was easier to get as committed or over committed without a job. Here’s why I liked doing all of that for free.

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What to Do, What to Do?

With all of this change that’s come about in the past couple of years, I figured I should revisit the “plan” since my retirement and savings got halved. I can’t say there are many complaints, considering how much we’d saved, so my half is a nice chunk of change. I guess my biggest complaint is finding out that the ex wanted to separate 10 months after we moved, and I quit my job and turned down a promotion to support her career. 10 months… 10 months… That seems like a time period where those feelings didn’t just pop up during those 10 months, but that’s more of a discussion for my therapist, which reminds me that I need to find a new one. To be fair, the ex did say, lets get a therapist and then if it doesn’t change, we should separate by the end of the year, which was 4 months away… So at least there was that concession, lol.

Since then, I’ve used my money to buy 5 acres, and a house. I was looking at building a house on that 5 acres until I heard from my ex that she could be moving to town, maybe in 10 years, maybe after she gets tenure, maybe sooner. Update, she moves to town in 3 weeks, so I’m glad I’m not in the middle of building a property 10 miles outside of town. I’m in the middle of getting a driveway built on the property and ultimately want to build an escape cabin out there. Nothing crazy, just a little log cabin or shipping container type home that I can go spend weekends in, and take the kids out to and enjoy time in the woods.

All of this to say, that things have changed significantly, so I wanted to see how well my retirement was looking. I like using cfiresim, for simulating retirement scenarios. When I researched some random retirement calculators back in 2017, Market Watch actually had a pretty decent one as well. I revisited cfiresim and this is what I came up with.

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Time To Move On, Again…

Last year was one for the record books in so many ways. And literally, one for the record books in so many ways that none of us want to remember. For me, it was the first time since I was 15 that I was unemployed. Like for real unemployed, not quitting my job in hopes of a better life with the family, type of unemployed. I had lots of ideas for what to do to move forward with income, I put together 5 different business plans, and had a lot of things that sounded good end up not looking so great when you look at the numbers. Yikes! I’ve seen more than a handful of people start an fail at the same restaurant I worked at in KY for almost 5 years. I knew how quickly you could burn thru cash with nothing to show for it. On top of that, the oil industry was already in a downturn. Massive layoffs, companies filing for bankruptcy, a petroleum geologist job was not to be found anywhere and it only got worse as the year went on. Not wanting to burn through all my savings and THEN end up feeling stuck and without money, I decided to get a job. A job at the DEpt of Human Services and friends, let me tell you. It was an experience…

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Perspective Affects Everything

Just because something does or doesn’t happen to you doesn’t necessarily mean that it doesn’t occur. The best example of this is the latest conversation that I had with my brother. For example, my whole life I felt like he, my sister and my mom had this strange close bond between each other and I was excluded because “I was like dad”. My mom is an artist and has been an art teacher and always tried to be an artist in her free time. My brother and sister seemed to fall into that easily and could draw, paint, etc, fairly easily and do it well. Dad was a musician and played the trumpet and piano and had a music scholarship for college at WKU. Due to Vietnam, and family issues, he ended up not drafted and working at the phone company as an outside lineman for his entire career. 33 years, ultimately. 33 years… 🤯

During that time, he married, had a daughter, divorced, remarried, and had 3 more kids, me being the middle kid of that second crew. He and I seemed to be like a spitting image of each other, in so many ways. We talked constantly, could have a conversation with a fencepost, I’m sure Josh Overmeyer could attest to that fact. The biggest thing was that I saw dad as my confidant, my friend, someone I could talk to and trust with my feelings. But it wasn’t always like that.

Dad playing air piano at his Christmas party

Hate Takes Energy. LOTS of Energy

There was a time I didn’t like him and there was a time I hated him. Like actively spent energy on hating him. And if you’ve ever really hated anyone, holy shit, it takes a LOT of energy. A LOT. After about 18 months, I realized that he wasn’t worth the energy it took to hating him. It took more energy to dislike him than if I just didn’t care. That’s a sobering thought. When someone doesn’t even seem to be worth enough energy to care about. 😳

But there I was. Enter my ex stepmom. She wanted all of us to come together and well, she succeeded. I eventually told dad that I could wipe the slate clean and move forward from here on but it wasn’t baseball, there weren’t 3 strikes, he got 1. Just 1. But I’d be willing to start there if he was. And he was more than excited to have a chance and off we went. From there, it was one of the stronger adult relationships I’ve ever had. We talked often, usually a couple times a week and if it went less than 2 hrs it was shocking, lol. We’re both talkers, so content was never an issue. But we’d be open and vulnerable and share life with each other and that was what I loved and enjoyed.

A much younger Mr. SSC and Dad hiking on Father’s Day.

Reconciliation Works

It’s scary and hard to trust someone with your feelings. Really scary. That’s why when people find that someone they usually marry them and spend their lives together. And I’m not saying I wanted to marry dad, rather that connection with anyone is special, regardless of how they came into your life. One of my greatest supporters in my life now is a friend I’ve had since 🤷🏻‍♂️ 2010 or so? But I can tell him my feelings, good and bad, how life is going (for real) and not ever think I’ll be judged, but rather supported, accepted and asked how they can help to make life better. That’s a friend, and what I had with dad for the last 8-10 yrs of our relationship.

Things are never the same for you as other people. As we’ve seen over the past year and longer, that just because things don’t happen to you doesn’t mean that they don’t happen to other people. I should’ve known this but even I was blinded to that fact. While I was able to make amends and ultimately have a good relationship with my dad, I didn’t consider that my siblings couldn’t so the same. To be fair, my relationship with my mom was toxic. Imagine loving someone and constantly feeling they keep you at arm’s length and don’t even acknowledge you’re in their top 10 of important things in life, and that’s my mom. My therapists both in LA and OK pointed this out, and this is why I was so comfortable with my ex wife, let’s call her Mabel, because emotionally, Mabel was the same emotional relationship I was comfortable with having grown up with my mom. No physical relationship, love is on their terms and there isn’t any way I felt loved, unless they “allowed it”. Super controlling in every way, but especially emotionally. When my OK therapist brought this up, I was like 🤯OMG… Yeah, that tracks.🤯

Nothing is Unique

What I’d didn’t expect was that my situation was unique. After talking with my brother this evening, I found out that I’m not unique, no one is unique, and life and poor parenting cam happen to anyone. Much like my mom was toxic to me, he never knew anyone beyond “the asshole” that was my dad. We talked and I was like, well growing up there was “the asshole” and then there was “Pat” the neutral version of dad. Not mean but not nice. My brother said he never knew anyone but the asshole. No “Pat”, no “dad” just the asshole. Always. There was never any connection as a friend or confidant or even parent. It blew my mind. How is it that this person I could share with and be so intimate with and be so supported by, be nothing more than an asshole to my sibling who was in the same situation?! I was lost.

Then I started thinking about my relationship with mom. She was a very talented artist with pottery, charcoal drawing, pastels, and watercolor and my brother and sister picked up on that immediately, it seemed. They were all talented in that respect and while I might be able to draw 2d better than most,it sucks compared to them. 😂 They had this incomparable bond and art seemed to be it. I always felt on the outside with those 3.

I just never realized that it went both ways. Because I felt ostracized with my siblings and mom, and more so because “you’re just like dad” and noone liked dad, well, it made sense that if dad asked me to hang out, it beat the shit out of being around that environment. Seriously, it felt like a “you’re with us or against us and we’ve already decided you’re against us” sort of thing. So when dad would go out to have coffee with his HAM radio buddies on the weekend hell yeah I’d go. I learned to talk to all kinds of people. I asked questions and learned all about how to solder, make radios, electrical engineering (very minor for sure) but if I asked questions (which I did A LOT) they were more than happy to answer. And I got to spend time with dad. And we’d go hiking together or spend time together in other ways but mostly it revolved around HAM radio.

Again, even with this seemingly solid foundation, remember this is still a person with undiagnosed bipolar disorder that was self medicating with “not alcohol” at that time so he was still an asshole to deal with. Or rather he was dad, and was “moody” “disruptive” “explosive” or more. Her could also be loving, kind, and hugged me more than any person I’ve met to date but he wasn’t without his faults.

Jealousy Sucks: In Every Way

While I had this seemingly “great” relationship with dad, my siblings saw it as we were tight and they just got treated like an afterthought because he was “the asshole”. And it sucks, because I’m like, sure me and dad didn’t get close until college but when we did, damn, he was my closest friend in the world. Literally, my best friend. We supported each other as best we could and we got each other and didn’t judge each other or anything.

But I get it. They felt that same strong relationship with mom but for me… Mom was toxic. I felt and she confirmed through action that I was the last thing on mom’s to do list each day. She’d get off work at 5pm and I’d get picked up between 7-9pm before she’d head out of town to the house. Literally, I was THE LAST thing on her list of stuff to do. As I progressed thru life, that never changed but became more amplified. At one point she was moving from New Orleans to Nashvegas and I went down to Slidell to help load stuff. She started crying at some point and I asked why and she replied that she was going to miss “her kids” so much and being so far away was going to be hard. I was kind of stunned because “her kids” she’d known for less than an academic year at that point, meanwhile her literal son and only grandson had lived within 30 min from her for the last 18 months and she’d never come up to visit once. Literally, visits were when I tried to get them to happen and seek validation for, idk but that’s what I wanted back then. Acceptance, confirmation I was doing great, and love. Just love. And nothing. I got nothing. When she said that statement, it validated all my feelings and all that I’d felt over the last few decades of not even being enough. To not be enough, I’d have to be noticed. You can’t be less than, when you’re not even noticed. While I’d like to say that was the end of my relationship with my mom it wasn’t. It went on for another 4 yrs until I was in Texas. Until finally, I was able to say that I deserved better than that.

I just never realized my brother could’ve been feeling the same with my dad. I know he called him Pat (his name’ish) since the divorce, I just figured it was a male dominance, “you’re not my dad” sort of thing. I never knew it was that it was the least aggressive way to address him by also letting him know that “yeah, you’re done here”.

Summary

So, yeah. That’s my story of growing up with my parents and siblings. Rather, that’s one aspect of that whole godawfulness that was my childhood. 😆 I loved my dad, and I’m glad I got to know him and we became such friends and companions and confidants later in life. I’m sad for my brother that he never had that or got to see that side of dad. He was awesome. For me. He was supportive. For me. He was my best friend. For me. I still miss him. A lot.

I hope that my mom is as good as a support that I got from dad to my brother as my dad was for me. My brother and mom are super close. Always have been, and will be until they die. And I’m sad I don’t have that relationship, but I’m ok with it too. I cut my mom out of my life , idk, 5 yrs ago now? It’s been one of the better things for my mental health but it still sucks not having a relationship with a parent. Even when you know it’s toxic to you, it still sucks. Amd knowing how strong my dad’s relationship with me was and how much positivity it added to my life, I hope he’s getting the same from mom.

It’s just amazing to me, how disparate our perspectives are and yet we grew up in the same space, with the same people, and we actually felt supported and disliked/not even acknowledged by the other parent. Just… Wow…

I don’t know what the point of all of this story is other than, be empathetic. When hearing others stories, know there aren’t just 2 sides, there are at least 6 sides whether you recognize the other 4 sides at the time or not. Everything is more complicated than we make it seem to be, whether you acknowledge that it IS or isn’t more complicated. Your validation of a situation doesn’t make it any more or less real. That situation exists whether you decide to validate it or not.

In the end, be nice. Be caring and be open to other views than your own. Just because you also existed in the same time and space as someone else DOES NOT mean you experienced the same thing.

Have you ever experienced this? Do you have a sibling, ex, anything that sees things a totally different way but you both “lived thru the same experience”? Any thoughts on how it was different for them? I’d love to hear about it.

 

Adventures in Shopping: How I Got My First “Good” Banjo

When my Dad “left” the phone company, he was offered a buyout and a boost of his pension and benefits to make it seem as if he had worked a full 35 years. To the best of my recollection, he was at 33 years +/- but he’d been dealing with increasingly expensive and work disrupting carpal tunnel issues due to, well, 33 years of twisting and splicing wires. He was an outside lineman for his whole career. This story isn’t about that, but about how he and I found my first “good” banjo.

Young Jay and a CRAPPY banjo…

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m great at spending money, and it’s a trait I get honestly. I learned from the best, lol. See, when he got his payout, it was lump sum 2 years salary-ish, and benefits as if he’d worked 35 years. 35 years… It sounds like hell to me, and listening to him talk about it, it wasn’t fun for him at all. When I was thinking about applying to a similar position in Denver due to the starting pay being ~$60k/yr and also because I was so DONE with being a broke college student… OMG, if he could’ve reached thru the phone and slapped me he would have. He convinced me to stay the course and NOT follow his route, and thank goodness I did and that he was so adamant about getting education over “easy money”.

When he got his payout, it was like he’d won the lottery. He had a pension, and now a fat stack of bills to throw around and holy hell, did he throw it around. For me, I ended up with a grand, $1,000 USD, with the only stipulation from him that I do NOT spend it towards bills or any “useful/needed” purpose. It was designated to have fun with and get something I wouldn’t be able to afford but wanted to buy. My first thought, New banjo!! For those unaware, banjos are expensive! A thousand bucks would get me into the “starter realm” for good banjos. I started shopping around and test playing any that I could find to figure out what I wanted or didn’t want, that was in that price range.

Deering It Is

I quickly came to realize that I liked the Deering sound, and I’d just saved up and bought my first good banjo, a Deering Goodtime with resonator and I still have that banjo. It’s great, lightweight, and packs a ton of sound for its size/weight. I visited the Ome factory in Boulder, if you’ve never been, it’s very cool. You can see where and how they make the pots, necks, inlay, apply the finish, all of it. It was awesome, but out of my price range. Then I decided it would be time to take a trip home because where else could I find a better selection of banjos than Nashville? It was only 45 minutes south of Bowling Green, so why not have a visit AND shop for a new banjo?

My Good Time banjo. Still love playing that one.

To Nashvegas!!

I flew in and we hung out for a bit, but I get very focused when I go somewhere with a purpose, so we headed to Nashville the next day after I arrived there. This was most likely the summer of 2000, specific dates I can’t recall, but it tracks with other memories from then. For everyone under the age of 40, this means pay phones were still common, cell, not as common, gps and maps on cell, not common or maybe even around. These were the days of printing out mapquest style directions and taking the printouts with you, because, that beat the crap out of a “dumb” paper map, lol. If you made changes to your travel itinerary on the fly, good luck and may the winds be at your back.

We hit up the big name stores like Gruhn Guitars and some others I’d known from my limited internet search. We had a plan and knew of some places to check out and went to make a day of it. If there was one thing Dad loved more than spending money was shopping. Not buying, necessarily, just plain old shopping was his jam. I also still love shopping, browsing, etc… We spent most of the morning hitting those places, but quickly learned that, yes, $1000 USD is limiting in what banjos you can afford. Most were in the $2k and up range, and the ones I found in my price range, I didn’t want to spend the money on, because I liked my Deering Good Time better.

Along Came A Stranger

We met up with my sister and in a glorious stroke of serendipity, she suggested a Guitar Center nearby, and away we went! It was fun, we were adventuring and making memories, regardless of if I found a banjo. Guitar Center had some better offerings in my price range, but again, nothing grabbed me and said, “I’m yours, we found each other!” It’s very similar to wand selection, for any Harry Potter fans. While I was playing around on a banjo, some guy was tearing it up, flat picking a guitar and of course, we struck up a conversation.

Him: “What brings y’all out today?”

Me: “I’m looking for a banjo, but I’m striking out so far…”

Him: “A banjo?! Have y’all been out to Curtis’s yet?! He’s got lots of banjos! You should check ol’ Curtis out!”  Side note – yes, everything was loud exclamations and very much “y’all-centric” lol

Me: “Ummm, no. Who the hell is Curtis? And where is his store?” Side note – this guy is a bluegrass legend and I had no clue

Him: “It’s no store, but he’s got a massive collection of instruments in his basement. Curtis McPeake. Check him out!”

Me: “Awesome, thanks, do you have his address?”

Him: “Nope, but he’s off “random road and parkway/interstate junction I forgot by now”, take a right at the exit, you’ll see a waffle house, head down the road beside Waffle House and he’s back there somewhere. Shouldn’t be too hard to find him though. Good luck!”

Me: ”Thanks!”

I put down my banjo, and away we went to that random interstate exit.

Sleuthing in 2000

Well, we got off the exit, and sure as shit, there’s a Waffle House and a sideroad right beside it. Before we got any further, we stopped at Waffle House and I looked in the phonebook at the payphone, yes, it was still there thank goodness, and I looked for any McPeake nearby. Although, how would I know if they’re nearby without any other map, lol. I found a C.M. McPeake and I tried calling but to no avail. I noted the street name, got back in the truck, and we headed down the side road as per mystery guys directions. A few miles down the road we pass a street sign that was the same name as the phonebook! Glorious! We hit the brakes, backed up and went down it. I had the number memorized, so at this point, we were just looking for a house. We drove along and found the address and it was an unassuming ranch house with a walkout basement sitting on about 2 acres of well manicured grass, a handful of mature trees, and a ¼ mile long winding driveway. There was an older lady mowing the grass on a riding mower and she waved as we stopped at the end of the driveway gawking like we weren’t sure if we should be there or not. When I looked up the driveway I saw 2 full sized vans and a truck and they all had license plates from “not Tennessee” and I said, “Well, looks like we found Curtis…” lol

We pulled up the drive, and I shit you not, as we get out, someone opens the door to the walkout basement and asks, “Y’all looking for Curtis?” Man, I miss some things about the South, lol. We replied, “yes sir” and he invited us in. As I got closer to the door I could hear live bluegrass, and inside there was a 3 piece jam going on. I walked through the door and I’m looking straight down the entire length of the walkout basement. To my amazement, I see instruments fully covering the walls, top to bottom with some racks built in the middle to hold additional instruments. Imagine angels singing and this is how I felt, lol. Mandolins, guitars, resonator guitars, standup basses, and then… the banjos!

At the end of all of this basement, is a 1950’s style army green metal desk with who I can only assume is “Ol’ Curtis” sitting behind it and he says, “Come in, come in, what can I do for you?” We tell him we’re looking for a banjo and he motions to the wall of banjos, about 20’ long with 3 rows of instruments one on the floor, the next right above that, and then a final row hanging just below the ceiling. It was the biggest selection of banjos I’d seen that day! He asks about price range and style and when I say, well, I only have a grand ($1k), he replies with, “Well, I don’t have many cheap banjos for sale, but they’d be on that bottom row.” My heart sank, because like Gruhn Guitars, most of his banjos were vintage and professional quality but there were a few under $2k. I started playing a couple of them, I really sucked back then, but again, nothing grabbed me.

Lucy Arrives

Then I opened a closed case and found her. A Deering Maple Blossom and it was beautiful! She had a gorgeous finish and curly maple that looks 3D in the sunlight. I picked around on it and the volume and tone was incredible. Very bass forward and it had an amazing driving sound to it, even with my poor playing. I dishearteningly looked at the price tag, and it was only $1400 USD. Oooohhh… This was close to my range, and I’d had an extra $300 in my savings, by extra, I mean, that was all I had in there. Oh the “good old days”, lol. I asked Dad if he would be able to spot me $100 to cover it, because this was THE ONE.

Me playing Lucy back at the house

Then we found out Ol’ Curtis didn’t take credit cards, just cash or check. Fortunately, Dad had his checkbook and was able to cover it, and I even got a free strap, lol. Less than 45 minutes after getting there, we had procured a banjo, met a bluegrass legend, heard some live bluegrass, and were walking out the door grinning like we’d just won the lottery.

 

After we got back in the truck Dad told me, “Look, don’t worry about sending me that money. Just enjoy it and think about me whenever you play it, and don’t sell it. I’ll buy it from you if you need money that badly.” And like that, I ended up with Lucy. Her full name is Loose Lucy, because until I did some tweaking and “jiggering” over the years, her pot screws would loosen randomly, and there were all sorts of things that were “almost but not” quite with her, lol. Also, it’s one of my fav Grateful Dead songs, so it fit well in a lot of ways.

Since then, I’ve changed out multiple heads, tailpieces, bridges, and more to try to get different sounds out of her, and after getting a Stelling Red Fox I kept a black head on it for more sustain and a mellower tone.

My Red Fox

Memories Made

I still think about that trip and our adventure whenever I play it. I don’t plan on selling it, but rather keeping it until I die, or if one of the kids gets interested, then give it to one of them. It’s a great memory I have with my Dad and it makes me smile when I tell that story, well now I’m teary about it, but still, it’s a great memory for me. I still play Lucy, my Maple Blossom, just not as often as my Stelling, and next time I get a wild hair, I’ll swap the head back for a traditional one and get that punchy bass sound back, because man, does she throw out the notes! Regardless, of how she’s put together, the memory of that adventure remains.

It’s odd with the pipe, because he never smoked one really, but, you take what you have…

Dad playing air piano at his Christmas party

Dad without facial hair in front of the fountain on BG’s square

Things might not have always been the best between me and my Dad, and they sure didn’t end how I would’ve wanted, but when he was good, he was great! For me, that was a LOT of the last bit of his life. I still miss him, the grief is still there, but it’s nice to get to reflect on the happy memories too. I finally got a tattoo as a tribute to him, of a mallard on the water with ripples showing forward movement, because I feel like I’m finally moving forward. Funny enough, no one knows WHY he likes ducks, just that he did. A LOT…

It got big pretty quickly, lol

Return to Normal? Not Exactly

Back when we first started thinking about early retirement, or later on, our Fully Funded Lifestyle Change, we had ideas about what that life would look like in ALL the ways. We expected it would be a happy little family, with ALL the time to hang out together, we would/could have some income from this blog (lol, riiiight), we would/could have income from some yet to be determined adjunct positions, and or find some other income sources that would be fun, since we wouldn’t need the money. If all else fails, we could always “go back to work”. If not in oil and gas, then in teaching perhaps, or who knows, but we’ll let the “future SSC’s” figure that one out, if needed.

Well, the reality was a lot different. In less than 2 years after we initiated our FFLC, we were divorced and all of that planning went out the window. Well, not all of it. I’m positioned really well to be able to follow whatever type of work comes my way, I did get an adjunct position, and I’m working on developing several income streams in the background. Before you ask, No, none of those income streams are from public speaking engagements, or my book “How to Retire Like Me”, lol. With all of that in mind, my Mostly Funded Lifestyle Change (MFLC) has been interesting to say the least. One thing has been pretty certain throughout, is that planning on a return to your former industry is shaky at best.

In my case, I wasn’t ever really planning on getting back into oil and gas full-time. Sure, the money is uh-may-zing, and it’s enjoyable enough work, but it’s not that fulfilling from a personal standpoint. I also never planned/counted on being able to return to my previous salary level, bwahaha, I wish. That bridge crumbled almost immediately after leaving the industry. For perspective, when I left, there had already been a big wave of layoffs from 2014-15 crash and while a lot of those people left the industry for good, many are still out there scrapping for any job openings. I knew the job market would be tight if I ever did want to gain re-entry.

Also, with Covid and the general unpredictable nature of oil markets, the possibility of re-entry is all but gone. Most smaller companies are doing well just to NOT file for bankruptcy, unlike some larger companies that already have or are planning to file, like Whiting, or Chesapeake, as per their announcement this week. My former company is hanging on tooth and nail to not fold or be bought up, after a horribly poor timed and poorly executed acquisition of Anadarko. Remember how people talk about not letting emotions come into play when home shopping, car shopping, or shopping for any other major purchase? The CEO should’ve taken that advice, because the financial structure of that acquisition is the definition of overpaying, just to win the bid. Yay, you won… Long story, but definitely, nothing opening up there anytime soon.

With the kids being here in Oklahoma, I knew I’d be restricted to a smaller market, smaller companies, and less opportunity, even if I did try to jump back in to that industry. Fortunately, I don’t have a lifestyle that needs that outrageous salary, and all the trappings that come with it. What’s my plan moving forward? Well, here are a few of them that I’ve been working on, none of which involve returning to my old industry.

Adjunct Teaching

Yep, I am still teaching about petroleum geology, so that’s sort of kind of on the fringe of that industry, I’m employed/contracted through the school, so not necessarily. At $6k/semester, it’s not even AdjunctFI, lol. That’s been nice, and I’ve applied to some other positions, probably along with the other thousands of unemployed geologists now that the latest wave of layoffs is underway. I have heard nothing yet on any position related to using my degree, and that’s fine with me. I feel okay submitting lots of applications, even knowing that none will probably pan out to anything income producing. It helps me feel better, and that’s how I like to keep personal finance, “personal”. I haven’t seen my contract for the fall yet, and it may fall through, but I at least gave my preference for teaching delivery method (all online, meet at a certain time online, or Saturday teaching… booo Saturday) and am reformatting the course appropriately.

Saturday courses….

Department of Human Services (DHS)

I have an interview with DHS of Central Oklahoma this Thursday, to be a Child Welfare Specialist, i.e. a case worker. Do I have any background in this field? Meh… Not really. I’ve been a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) for the last year and a half so I’ve been privy to the inner workings of all of this, more than when I worked oil and gas. But, I also have a BS, an MS, a heartbeat, and a willingness to do the job, so we’ll see how that plays out.

Why work at DHS? Well, CASA won’t be hiring this year, much to my dismay… So, I stepped over to the next best option and applied at DHS. No clue how it will turnout, but you can be sure I’ll be tweeting or writing about it as it does. For me, I’m in a unique position to be able to do a job I want, and not necessarily the first job that says they’ll hire me. That’s awesome, and a great opportunity for me to be able step into the social work space. I’m really excited about it!

Child Advocacy Center

Another income stream I’ve been putting energy towards these days is working on starting a non-profit that would be a place for supervised visits for kids in/out of the foster care system, or just divorced parents that need supervision with their visits. This would also be expanded over time to include more services, but the main service would be providing a comfortable, relaxed space that families can spend having quality family time, and not just visiting at a McDonalds, for instance, or a park, or someplace that might be harder to relax and connect with their kid. Who wouldn’t want to be able to just cuddle and watch a movie, or a tv show, or do arts and crafts, or play out back, or bake in the kitchen? IDK, but that seems like a way better more relaxed atmosphere that feels less like “visiting” and more like bonding time.

I lost my business partner for that plan. I haven’t lost her, but I’ve lost any access to capital from her currently, due to erm, life? It seems no one’s plans are working out as well as they thought, lol. I’m currently stuck at the board of directors stage, writing the charter, and all the paperwork accoutrements that come along with starting a non-profit. Also, I haven’t previously had access to cash, to buy “the perfect property” yet, but that is not the case right now. Woohoo!! Now I’m ready to pull the trigger, which leads me to the next topic.

Me, when I find the “perfect” house

What the hell is going on with real estate markets?! It’s as hot now as it ever was, at least around here. House pricing hasn’t come down, at all. Houses are on the market for 3-12 days before they go to pending and they usually sell for close to their asking price. It’s crazy. Until I find the right property, I’m still just dealing with paperwork and that aspect. When I DO find a property, I can always rent it back to myself, from the non-profit, or if that business doesn’t work out, move into it or put it up for sale and recoup some money from that venture. A bonus would be having more space to put my woodworking equipment and use the property for that as well. Also, another potential rent-back opportunity for garage space. Until that pans out, I’m still reaching out for other board members, as that is my limiting factor at the moment.

Medical Marijuana

I’m stepping into the MM space. It seems tight, and a bit overloaded here, especially with the number of dispensaries and the like, around Norman alone. Statewide, as of last week, we had 137 pages of registered dispensaries, and at 17 listings per page, that’s over 2300 dispensaries. I’d rather deal with plants than people, tbh, and so I’ve been emailing about commercial rental spaces I can use for that operation. I’ve been learning all about Triple Net Leases, buildout for indoor grow ops, and THC extraction methods from flower and that has been an enlightening experience. I’ve been trying to keep that rental as close to home as possible, so my commute to “work” wouldn’t be a hassle, AND I could visit it at odd hours, if I get a “real job”. So far, 3 rejections, with offers WAY more space and overhead than I currently need. I’m not wanting to tie down the first year of operations with massive overhead while it’s a fledgling business. I haven’t signed anything yet, but hopefully very, very soon.

I have a business partner for the manufacturing side, and some potential people to tap for the grow side, but first, I need a space. I’ve all but given up on finding some land east of town that could work for this operation. This is due to the last property I looked at, being the residence of a “crazy old coot”. I mean, wow. Just wow… So, until something out there comes along, I’m into the rental space now.

The main plusses for this income stream, in my opinion, is that at the very least, I could have some cash influx about 3 months after getting my certificates. Because we’ll be sourcing our own product for manufacturing, that greatly increases the profitability margin. Amazingly, the licenses, packaging, and certificates to grow, sell, and make MM products, is WAY, WAY, WAY cheaper and less regulated than starting a nano-brewery. Freaking crazy, in my opinion, but hey, the gov’t does, what the gov’t does… Also, why not learn something new?

 

What Now?

I don’t know what’s coming next, to be honest. I may get the DHS job, I may not. I may find a house for the advocacy center and go full steam with that and definitely try my hand at the MM space in the meantime. I also started an Etsy shop, Could Have Been a Book where I’m successfully paying for picture listings, lol. Thanks to the support of a lot of you in the Twitter space, I have been getting items sold, and more pics added to the shop. Thank-you to everyone that has been helpful in supporting me in that way. My main goal is to have a nice inventory and supply built up prior to the holiday rush and get a local Facebook page for people within driving distance that don’t want to pay for shipping on the bigger carvings and products. Is that going to solve my money woes? Nope, not at all, lol. However, if it helps stop the leaks, then that’s awesome, and it keeps me focused working on hobbies and away from the computer because holy cow, my activity level has been SO low lately. Even with a “supposed” triathlon in Boulder this fall. Fingers crossed, but I know I won’t setting any PR’s on that course. It will be a great time to catch up with my college buddy, play even more music, and spend some time in CO, even if it’s just Broomfield…

Summary

That’s about it. The most recent catch up on all things, Jay. Not much has changed since last time though. I feel like I need to pivot this whole blog, whatever the hell it is now, out of the PF space and into, I have no clue where it would go.

I don’t write about PF stuff anymore. I’ve been blogging almost 6 years, I left an industry, was unemployed for almost 1 solid yr, and adjunct only for almost 1.5 years now and I STILL haven’t written a book, made any positive net income from the blog, or have actively been trying to monetize this platform. Too much work, not enough “give a crap” from my side.  Plus, what would my book be about, “How to retire like me!”, I see way too many of those as it is, and don’t have anything new to add to waves arms around that whole space. Who knows, but you can be sure you’ll read about it here, or somewhere, when that pivot happens. Until then, stay safe, be kind, and if you need any support, join our PF Group over at discord.

12 Money Tips for the Newly Single

Today’s post, is a guest post from Anne at UniqueGifter.com. Anne loves finding the perfect gift idea that’s on budget. She has been writing about gift giving and personal finance online since 2012, as owner of  UniqueGifter.com. Her favourite beverage is champagne and she loves figure skating, even if it’s harder now that she’s not 20!

As someone that has become single recently, I have done a lot of the things that she talks about below. Now that I am reminded, I should probably follow up with the few that I haven’t done yet. Without further ado, take it away Anne!

 

Even if it’s for the best, ending a relationship can hurt in so many different ways. While most people are discussing the emotional fallout, which alone can be bad enough, conversations around the financial repercussions when ending a relationship aren’t as popular. Hopefully these money tips for the newly single will help you find your footing as you step into this new stage of life.

 

My Best Money Tips for the Newly Single

The challenges someone who’s newly single faces depends on the financial entanglement they had with their ex partner. Whether or not they lost money separating from them or took on any extra debt in the process also has a big effect on their immediate finances. For example, a couple who’s dating might just go their separate ways and be done with each other, but a married couple will have a lot more to split up.

If you’re leaving a long term relationship or marriage, and especially if there’s kids involved, it can be financially complex when you become newly single. Here’s some tips and things to keep in mind as you navigate your money post break up.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

 

Change all your passwords and security questions

When you’re in a relationship with someone for a long time you get to know each other pretty well. That trust usually extends to sharing your passwords or at least leaving them out in the open. On top of that, they probably know enough about you to guess your security questions to do a password reset.

While your ex is probably not going to do anything even if they have your password, it’s always better to be safe when it comes to internet security. You should also force any banking websites or apps to log out of all devices, too.

 

Make a detailed list of your debt and assets

Identify what’s shared and what belongs to just you. That way you have it to reference as you sort life out and divide things up with your ex. If a lawyer’s involved or you’re going through a divorce you’re going to need all this information, but it’s good to have under any circumstances.

 

Open up a separate bank account

If you haven’t already, open yourself up a separate bank account that’s just in your name. Do this even if you haven’t physically separated from your ex or are just in the early stages of splitting up. Start moving over all your deposits and bill payments to your new account.

It’s also important to save a backup of any transactions or other information you might need from your joint account, too. Especially if you’ll need those for your taxes.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Get a hold of your physical records

If you have any financial records including past tax returns, make sure to get those when you and your partner split up. If that’s not possible, speak to a lawyer or request copies as soon as possible.

If you run a home business or have other expenss you need to claim on your taxes, make sure to get copies of bills and receipts (both currently and from the past six years) in case you get audited.

 

Keep an eye on your credit and credit score

If you have shared credit cards, move towards cancelling those and opening up separate accounts. You should also revoke any secondary card privileges on accounts in your name, too. You might even want to consider changing your credit card number if you’re worried your ex might use your credit.

For any shared credit, work with your ex to have a plan in place to make those payments. If your name is on it you could not only be liable for the payments, but also the damage to your credit rating if it goes to collections.

 

Build new credit

On the other hand, some people leave relationships with little or no credit history at all. If your spouse was the breadwinner, you might not have had much credit in your name to begin with. Start as soon as you can to build your credit rating up, even if that means getting a credit card with a small limit. Just make sure you use it and pay it off in full every month to avoid interest or debt.

 

Make a new budget

Now that you’ve found yourself newly single, you’ll probably need to reevaluate your budget. Add in all the new or different expenses and income that have incurred. The most common things here are changes to your housing costs, your transportation if you changed vehicles or moved, and any spousal or child support coming in or going out.

If you’ve never made a budget before make sure you include all your income and expenses. Don’t leave anything out or it’s not going to work! If you have children, make realistic budgets for things like kid’s gifts and do not get sucked into “buying their love” and trying to outdo your ex on holidays.

Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

Update your financial goals

Along with your new budget, being single means your financial goals have probably shifted too. You have to plan for a future that doesn’t include your ex, and that alone means things are different. You might not have the same income, but you’re only saving for your own retirement now.

Figure out some of your immediate goals and set some long term plans up so you can get your finances on track. The best way to start is by opening a savings account and setting whatever you can aside for an emergency fund.

 

Update your insurance policies

Chances are your ex was your benefactor for any life insurance policies you had set up. Now that you’re single, it’s time to update that with a trusted relative or even your children. It’s also a good idea to make sure your ex isn’t included on any other policies, either. Everywhere is different, but if your ex makes a claim in your name or on a joint plan it could affect your insurance rates.

If you had insurance combined with your ex, or through their work, you’ll also need to apply for your own policies. This goes for life, disability, health, or any other benefits you might have shared.

 

Remove your ex from any shared utility plans

Just like with your insurance, even a shared cell phone plan can get you into trouble. There’s nothing stopping your ex from not paying a shared plan and you’ll be responsible. Even a simple oversight on their part could lead to trouble on your end. Make a list of everything that’s shared and work with your ex to create new accounts.

This is also a good time to make sure none of your ex’s payments are coming out of your account. Double check for things like streaming subscriptions, automatic bill payments, etc.

 

Ask for help

If you’re breaking up from a serious or long-term relationship, you’ll likely have been living together for some time. When you break up, that also means dividing up all the stuff you bought together. For many people, this is almost like moving out for the first time. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to put out requests on social media for cheap or free hand me downs. It can save you a lot of money during an already expensive time.

Then, as money permits, you can upgrade those freebies and pass them on to someone else in need.

 

Try and stay positive

A big life change like becoming newly single is tough on your wallet. It’s quite possible, and probably likely, that you’ll be set back a bit when it comes to your financial goals. That’s OK! The most important thing right now is to get through this and work on getting back on track after you’ve adjusted to your new life. If you follow these money tips for the newly single you’ll at least be on the right path to financial recovery.

Guest Post by: Anne at uniquegifter.com

Anne@uniquegifter.com