Life Can Be SO “Overwhelming”: How I Tame It

Now that I’m back to just having a single source of income, my adjunct position, I immediately have a crazy sense of pressure to “get back earning”, and “get a job” or “create a job” or “hit it big with day trading”, as soon as I study up a little more on the Dummies Guide to Day Trading. Then I won’t have to work or find a job, lol. Since day trading isn’t my go to, I’m more of a horse racing gambler if we’re admitting ways that we gamble with our money, I’ll have to keep up the job search and income stream creation. Man, does it feel overwhelming. I’ve had trouble sleeping at nights, trouble staying asleep, and just a hard time turning the old brain down from 11 to a reasonable 3 or 4. My weight has even started coming back from a lot more stress eating. I’m aware of it, I just don’t care at this stage, lol.

My brain is constantly thinking about next steps, potential income opportunities, creating those opportunities, and also job hunting in the meantime. Oh, and then there’s the aspect of adding in family and people I care about and having not just time, but mental free time to hang out with them. It’s not the same if I’m laying next to someone and talking and sharing thoughts and feelings when my brain is anywhere but right there. That’s when I know I have to stop and handle it before it turns into a “tsunami of worry”. Here’s how I’ve been dealing with reigning those feelings in.

Take Care of it BEFORE it Gets Oppressive

When my brain gets to this mode, I think of it as someone might see a cluttered house. It’s not bad, but let it keep going and building up and building up and eventually you go from having “a little clutter” to having a house that looks out of something from the tv show Hoarder. I feel the same with my mental health. If I ignore things too long, they start taking over ALL my thoughts and I end up giving those thoughts all the power. Which just ampifies them even more and it is a horrible negative feedback loop to start. When it gets started in my head, holy hell… It starts as a ripple on a pond, but if I don’t watch it, it can end up growing to feel as big as this photoshopped wave. I feel a “tsunami of worry” that is growing behind me just waiting to crash down at the most inopportune time (funny thing, there’s never an opportune time to “feel”).

This “tsunami of worry” can end up causing its own set of problems and issues though, namely leading to more anxiety and potentially depression. If I don’t nip it in the bud, like I said, it tends to take over, and get more amplified and have WAY more power over me than I would expect something like that to have. It’s amazing how little things can end up taking over and driving your mood and outlook when everything is “going so well” on the outside. That’s just how these things work. It’s way easier for me to “appear” as if everything is going swimmingly, when inside I just want to not be here anymore, and not feel those feelings.

When I get to the “tsunami of worry” stage, I know I’ve let LIFE go too long and my mental house is feeling WAY more like a hoarder den, than a semi cluttered brain like normal. Fortunately, I know how to get that calmed down now too.

Lists, I Start with Lists

I’m the type of person that feels accomplishment by making a list and then subsequently crossing things off of those lists. I had a running word document at the DHS job that I would add items to, and when items didn’t get done timely enough, they got copied, and pasted to the bottom with a highlight of yellow. If they still didn’t get done before the next copy and paste, it was highlighted red. I know me, and that system worked fine for me. I also make regular non-digital lists like some of these.

These are my latest “get out of my head” lists; which for me, mean they’re swirling around my head being annoying and if I put them on paper, I can get them out of their, mostly, and somewhere where I feel like I have power again. Even better is when I get to cross them off and slice through them in that last act of “you’re done!” with whatever task that is. For me, that’s such a great feeling.

Next, Distraction!

Next on my to do list for quieting my brain down, is some form of distraction. I find that this can take many forms, like exercise, mediatation, video games, hobbies (wood turning, carving, wood working, painting), cleaning, playing banjo, and almost anything else I can use as a distraction. I say distraction, but it’s more like redirection with toddlers. My brain gets stuck on something or worse yet, lots of somethings and I have to remind it that other things are out there besides whatever it is I’m stuck on that day.

This doesn’t always work very well, but it’s my next go to after making a list. Once I have an empty brain, then I try and occupy it with other non-stressors. This is moderately helpful for me, but again, there’s no cure all for everything that happens in this noggin, so I have multiple ways to deal with it. This is just one of those ways. I find sometimes that running can help, but honestly, after the divorce, I don’t have the energy for running like I used to. It’s very intermittent now and doesn’t have nearly the pull that it used to.

Don’t Ignore It: Be True to YOU

After basically being in a “ignore it, what will people think if you went to a shrink?!” Or “what if work found out that you were on meds?! The horror…” I was in that type of relationship with my mental health and my ex, to be more specific. I find that worrying about what other people will think about how you treat your mental health can get you killed. I got really close. Beyond fighting with depression, I was also fighting against the dreaded “what will other people think” with my ex. Good times, good times.

When you find yourself thinking, “Oh, I shared too much, I shouldn’t have told her/him/they that.” Congratulations friend! You have found the wrong partner to be with, especially if it’s anything to do with mental health. Trust me, most of my marriage to Dr. Ex consisted of me thinking, “Maybe if I had just kept those feelings and thoughts to myself instead of opening up and being honest and vulbnerable, maybe that would’ve made things better…” No, no it would not have. Some people just don’t want to talk about, admit they have feelings, or acknowledge them with anyone but themselves and the stick they use to shove them all down with.

I find it easier to get those thoughts out, with a list, or your partner if you have a supportive partner, a therapist, if you can’t/don’t trust your partner with those feelings, a shrink if you need more than talk therapy, or a pet, if you don’t want advice back and just need to share to anyone. Any of these things tend to work well for me.

Especially the supportive partner, I’ve had as many breakthroughs and mental health “Ah-ha’s!” just sharing things with my latest partner over the past year. It’s amazing how strong and safe it can feel when you have someone you trust with your emotions and feelings and can say them to that person and not feel judged, instead, feel heard and supported. I didn’t have that for my whole marriage, so I’ve had to adapt and wowza, the difference in having that in a relationship… Just, light years difference, but it goes back to the earlier comment of being with the wrong person can also be extremely detrimental.

Share, get it out, tell one, tell all, I find it helpful for me, especially when you get positive support in return. If not, depression and anxiety can creep in and it’s only a little while before they take hold and then there are other probems to deal with. I found that meds were the only way to get my depression in check enough to deal with it thru talk therapy and other ways I mentioned above.

Easy Tasks First

When I hand out tests, I tell my students to read the whole test first. Then, start with the questions you KNOW the answer to, followed by the ones you’re not sure of, and save the pure guessing until the end. I take this approach with my task list. I find a few easy ones to knock off first and get some confidence built and endorphins from crossing off a task or two and then I move on to the harder ones. This lets me not feel so overwhelmed that I feel like the list is insurmountable.

Especially, when the list is 2 legal pad pages long and I keep thinking of stuff to add to it. That can seem daunting, but it’s not. Just get a few easy ones knocked out and move on. If you don’t have any easy items on your list, add a couple like, unload or load the dishwasher. Or, brush teeth or eat lunch. Yes, it can be that simple. Put it on there, complete the task, smile at the crossed off task and then find a slightly more difficult task and repeat.

Summary

Next week I will get back to writing about the stressors that are driving these anxieties and concerns for me, but this week I wanted to give a peek into my brain and how I make it work for me. Your brain will be different and results will most definitely vary, but maybe some of these things can connect with you and help you when you start feeling that “tsunami of worry” creeping up behind you.

How do you deal with your stressors? Do you do things I’m not listing here? I’d love to hear about it and have something new to add to my toolbox. Let me know below!